Good Tidings from Corona

Unlikely as it may sound, I have been thinking. In the midst of the doom and gloom brought about by Corona, I have observed a lot of good outcomes from the crisis. Seeing as we have enough negative energy to last a lifetime, I thought I would take this opportunity to spread some good vibe, courtesy of COVID-19. One of the positive results of the pandemic is that, in addition to thinking, I have dusted my old laptop and decided to write it down. It’s been a while so I might be a bit rusty.

Family Time
No one would have guessed it. All the notorious absentee dads (and some mums) are at home. They are not just passing by in their endless pursuit of putting dinner on the table. They have to sit at that table during three meal times, and all other times in-between. Spouses are also getting to rediscover what made them love each other all those many years ago. Others are getting to discover dark secrets that they missed during their dating, courting, and marrying days. Family unions are getting enriched whichever way you look at it.

Vice Cure
Many people have discovered that it is possible to overcome strong addictions and bad habits without therapy. They have come to learn that all they need is a novel virus on the rampage to make them kick all their evil habits. Alcohol does not go down well for most Kenyan drinkers when they are at home. It is a social habit and being kept away from bars and other social places is a sure way of kicking the drinking habit.

Subsistence Farming
Somebody posted on a cooking group on Facebook about beans that sounded like those in the story of Jack and the Bean-stock. They got a handful of beans which they threw in their backyard. In a few months it has produced a lot of beans with which they have tried all sorts of recipes. The giant bean-stock is still growing and has even spread to the neighbours’ compound. It made me realise that people are now thinking of how they can grow their own food. With many markets closed, getting that bunch of Sukuma wiki can no longer be taken for granted.

Manufacturing
In barely two months, Kenya can produce hand sanitizers and face masks meeting international specifications. Millennials may not know this but this is a fraction of what Kenya used to achieve in manufacturing as recently as thirty years ago. In the eighties, vehicles, electronics, clothes, and even pencils used to be manufactured locally. Companies such as Philips, Toshiba, and Sanyo used to have active factories supplying television sets, radios, and phonographs (not pornography). RIVATEX and KICOMI are not new companies. In those days they were blue chip companies. Now thanks to Corona, industry is waking up from its long slumber. We have even developed our own respirators in record time.

Self-Reliance
Rich people who surround themselves with servants now have to cook and do their own dishes. They are realizing that keeping their houses clean and tidy is not rocket science. Some even think they have been overpaying their domestic workers. It was not by choice that they are home alone. It is because they cannot trust their humble minions not to introduce COVID to their sanitary homes. These hard workers have thus been given indefinite unpaid leave until the crisis is over. It is not so good for the workers.

Saint Trump
The goodness of Trump has never been so obvious. His tantrums have inspired hitherto developing countries into power houses. What was a campaign slogan of ‘putting America first’ now sounds like a sweet gospel. Trump has made Africans realise that they are capable of doing all that they always run to the west for help. Refusing to submit his contributions to WHO has woken China to take the slack and give all that the US would have given and more. There is now more money for the World Health Organisation to combat COVID-19. This is all thanks to Trump. I hope he gets re-elected. Another term with the yellow-haired one and we are going to have an industrial revolution.

Kenya – the Small upcoming America

My Rich Uncle

Everyone in rural Kenya has a rich uncle in the city. I also had one when I was young. It’s not that we were poor as a family. It’s only that cool things were seen in the city years before we saw them in the village. My first time to see a TV, fridge, or a car with a floor shift was at my uncle’s place. It was also where I first tasted a sausage and popcorn. My uncle’s name was Sam, just like our favourite uncle as a Country.

Installing Democracy

The United States of America is the only remaining super power and, naturally, the big brother that the rest of the world looks up to. In Africa, we more than just look up to the US. We want to become just like them and we are doing all we can to achieve that. Some countries like Kenya are way ahead of their neighbours in their efforts to Americanize. America has been on a democratization spree with our own African states of Libya and Egypt bearing the brunt. To match that, we have done our part in emulating the same with Somali.

Huduma Namba

The current government campaign to get people to register for huduma number is the latest effort in matching up to America. From all aspects, it resembles the social security number without which you are a nobody in the US.  Once our huduma system is fully up and running, we shall not be able to buy or sell property, get a driving licence or passport, or even operate a bank account.

Home Ownership

There is a new craze in Kenya. Everyone wants to own a house. Land buying companies are acquiring big chunks of land on behalf of their faithful contributing members. They are then chopping them up into miniature plots and allocating them to their excited shareholders. Each of these new land owners will borrow from all and sundry to put up a structure with the saying, “Nothing is as special as owning the roof that is suspended over your head”. It might sound unreasonable, even crazy, to sink into lifetime debt just to own a house but then; Americans are doing it so it can’t be wrong, although it greatly contributed to the famous credit crunch.

Credit Card

The credit card is one popular American fad that has not caught on extensively in Kenya. However, we have our own home-grown version. It is now possible to spend money today that you will earn next week, next month, or even in the coming year. This is thanks to the myriad money lending apps, self help groups, and flexible bank credit products.

Majimbo

The Kenyan federal system of government, majimbo in Swahili, is almost identical to the one in use in the US. Just like America, we have a President, Governors, and Senators, and many other office holders whose exact roles are not immediately obvious. Save for a few minor differences, the Kenyan system is just like the American one. After more than two decades of activism, we have a system similar to our big brother’s.

Status Galore

Be it bling bling, big cars, and loud music, everything in our lifestyle is changing towards American status symbolism. Every Kenyan worth his or her salt has several social media accounts. Facebook is where we showcase our achievements and seek for fame and sympathy. We use Instagram to floss our fashion sense (or lack thereof) and flash our colours. Following in the footsteps of none other than the President of the US, we use Twitter to bash our critics and express unfavourable opinions on various matters. There is even a big community of Kenyans referred to as KOT (Kenyans on Twitter) whose threads on every topic can be seen turning viral online every other day.

The Chinese Connection

A few years ago, ‘self-respecting’ Kenyans could not be caught dead with Chinese products. They were considered fake and unsuitable for people who understand quality and the finer things in life. When the US decided to move manufacturing of their biggest brands to mass production factories in China, we changed tune. Now nobody complains about their Chinese made iPhones or 3D TVs. We have even gone further to get funding for all our fancy toys (such as trains and roads) from China so that we can be developed just like rich Uncle Sam.

God’s Greatest Gift to Mankind

Instant Coffee

No, instant coffee is not God’s greatest gift to mankind. Rather, it represents how our generation likes to do things – instantaneously. We expect our relationships to run like efficient computer programs – without any hitches or bugs. We need our processes to unwind like clockwork. We hope to not have downtime on anything. We want everything to be ready and available to us as soon as we wish it. Unfortunately, that is not how God designed the world.

The Fallacy of Prayer

Prayer is such a commonly used word that it can be found in the most unlikely sentence. “I will pray for you”, says a person to another for a whole range of reasons between losing a loved one and going for a visa interview. I have not heard of any study done on the relationship between prayers and their expected outcomes. I can however venture to assume that prayer is not all that effective in terms of producing solutions to problems taken to the Lord in supplication.

Signs and Wonders

The rate at which people join new and vibrant evangelical churches can only be matched by number of disgraced preachers who have been caught conning their followers with fake miracles. These faithful adherents go there looking for signs and wonders. It’s just as Jesus had pointed in Mathew Chapter 16 verse 4 where he said, “A wicked and adulterous generation looks for a sign, but none will be given it except the sign of Jonah”. The sign of Jonah of course refers to Jesus crucifixion, death, interment for three days in the belly of the earth, and subsequent resurrection. He was implying that there would not be many miracles to be witnessed after he left the tomb. The only wonder is the fact that people still believe in fake miracles.

Doers of the Word

I have a problem obeying the word of God. I find it particularly hard to love God and fellow man as indicated by Jesus to be the single most important commandment in that it consolidates the entire law of God. I guess it was the reason James in verse 22 of chapter one of his book in the bible instructs us thus, “Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves, Do what it says”. I find the bible, especially the New Testament rather straight forward. It does not require a high aptitude or education to understand. The only hindrance to obeying the word appears to be personal ego.

Cause and Effect

Newton’s third law of motion states that, ‘for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction’. This law is not just true for physics. It applies in all spheres of life and nature. When one makes a decision for instance, he or she has to live with the consequences. This holds true whether it is a good decision or a bad one. This is one law of nature that Kenyans seem to be painfully ignorant of when it gets to election time. They go out in large numbers and elect people with openly known questionable credentials and act all surprised when their ‘newly minted’ leaders display their true colours. The same applies to children who are left to bring themselves up and their parents seem clueless as to the association between poor upbringing (or lack thereof) and indiscipline.

Religion – Man’s Worst Gift to Himself

People look down upon a person who does not subscribe to any religion. He or she is considered incomplete, even evil. Religion in modern times is not a means to an end. It is an end in itself. People are ready to kill or get killed in the defence of their religion. Unscrupulous preachers are coming up with all kinds of weird doctrines and there is no shortage of gullible followers. Religious fanaticism is more the rule than the exception in the myriad religions, denominations, and sects dotting our landscape.

God’s Gift to Mankind

When God made man, he put something in him. It is an inbuilt thing and is present in every individual. It is hidden in plain sight and those who discover it are amazed at its simplicity. They wonder how they didn’t find it sooner. That gift is Common Sense and once you tap into it, you will never be conned again. You will be able to see through any opportunistic scheme. Use your gift!

How to Win the Rat Race

In my culture, a rat is a pest. It is not a pet. The only rat that I have seen having any usefulness is a lab rat. Any other rat is a menace. It is something to be trapped or poisoned and killed. It is therefore only because of belonging to the information age that I have come to know of pet rats. I have seen pictures and movies of grand cages that form the homes of these members of families in the west. These rats are adored to the extent that when they die, funeral services are performed in their honour by the families to which they belong.

I have seen the healthy diet on which these “lucky” rats are fed. Specially developed food specifically meant for rats is well-packaged with high-gloss pictures of happy rats contentedly gnawing their delicious pellets. The cages in which they live are spacious with all the necessities (and luxuries) any rat would dare to wish for. Of particular interest to me in these cages is a large drum wheel suspended in one corner of the rat residence. This is equivalent of a gym corner (or more specifically, a treadmill) for humans. It is in this wheel that a rat can run all day, or get as much exercise as it needs.

Frantic Movement on the Same Spot

The expression, “Rat Race”, is derived from the activity undertaken by pet rats on the wheel in their cages. They can run for miles (or their equivalent in rat units) but they remain on the same spot. Scientifically speaking, no work is done because the mass (read the rat) has not moved an inch, irrespective of how much energy has been expended. It is this analogy that is used to describe a person who works extremely hard but after a long time (measured in years or lifetimes) has nothing to show for it. That person is said to be stuck in the rat race.

Stopping to Rest and Going Back

All employees, me included, look forward to weekends, public holidays, and leave days. This is because, one can get a small rest before he goes back to the frantic search for more money to pay bills and clear debts. Looking at it critically, most people would give up and stop working because it appears hopeless. However, most people have faith that if they work hard enough today, they will not need to do so much tomorrow. It is that faith that keeps them going even as the future looks bleak to the “naked eye”.

Eating to Maintain Energy

For the rat in the cage to find energy to keep rotating the wheel, it needs a lot of food. It gets this from continuous eating (refer to healthy diet above). The same applies to a working class person who has to expend a lot of energy and other resources just to remain in the same position. This is the reason why the rat race is considered futile. It uses up entire lifetimes of people without them growing or improving in any way. If anything, it is almost as if their descendants are also assured of taking over the same race and ending as hopeless as their parents (if not worse off).

Spectators Having Fun

People who keep rats as pets like to sit at the cages and watch them run in the wheel. Watching the rats making fools of themselves is the main reason they keep them. They love the endless entertainment the rats afford them but this is only possible as long as the rats remain in the cage. If a rat escapes from its confinement, you will experience the weird scenario of grown people standing on sofas and shaking in fear until they are assured that the culprit has been recaptured or killed.

Getting out of the Rat Race

The first step to the solution of any problem is acceptance. For you to get out of the rat race, you have to accept that you are trapped in an enclosure. You also have to realise that those who are outside looking in are enjoying watching you making a fool of yourself. The energy you spend rotating that wheel (read overhead expenses) should be preserved for breaking out of the cage. Once out, you have to remember that people will be afraid of you and will be working hard to recapture you and put you back in your enclosure. You therefore need to completely get out of that house and go far away where possibly, in the future, you will have rats of your own to watch and have fun.

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Encounter with Serial Killer

He pounced on me with a two handed overhead swing of his four-foot hoe-stick. It landed squarely on my forehead. There was no pain, just shock. He landed two more in quick succession and I fell on my back. He stood over me and continued bludgeoning me on the head. I couldn’t see his face but his dark silhouette was imposing against the moonless sky. I suddenly found my voice and could hear my guttural scream of impending death coming from somewhere deep in my throat (and heart). It dawned on me that this was the serial killer who had been terrorising the villages around my area for the last few months.

There was a blank darkness where his face should have been. He had not uttered a word and I couldn’t hear him breath. I have a strong sense of smell but I couldn’t pick any scent from him. No perfume or sweat. He could as well have been a ghost. I must have disappointed him because I didn’t pass out even as he increased his tempo. Instead, I matched his speed with the intensity of my screaming. I must also have been violently kicking out because I picked the smell of the bushes at the site whose branches I had slashed away. I still shudder when I smell that particular kind of bush.

As the killer continued raining blows on my head, hitting only my forehead, I was trying to shield my face with my hands. It was at this point that the stick landed on my open right hand and I clasped it. This was more of a reflex than a planned move but my tight grip made him lose his balance. He fell on my legs and I now grabbed the stick with both of my hands and disentangled it from him. He ran off immediately and left me on the ground still struggling to get up. By now I was really scared and when I got up, I scampered to the main road a few metres away to where I had alighted from a matatu a few minutes before.

By the grace of God, a friend was dropping one of my neighbours at the road so that he could also take the same path along which I had been attacked. They had actually heard my screams but had initially assumed it was a drunkard until I showed up. They rushed me to hospital where I was attended to. I got four stitches to close that gaping gash on my forehead. The physical injury is now healed save for the obvious long scar on my head. However, that killer took away my courage. I am now extremely afraid of the dark and have a problem falling asleep at night.

Lessons from the Ordeal

When I approached the crouching attacker, I had assumed it was a sweater thrown on the bushes. By the time I realised it was a person, I was too close to him and he didn’t waste time pouncing on me. I should have turned back without waiting to confirm if it was a person. Now I know.

Profile of a Serial Killer

Save for his face, I noticed a number of things about my attacker. He was dressed in a sweater with blue and white patterns. He had medium hair that appeared well combed. His lack of a smell described above could also point to the fact that he is a clean and well groomed person. In my mind, I see a person who probably has a family and a regular job. He had left his wife preparing supper at around seven in the evening as he went out to get his kick. He then went back to check his kid’s homework. The kid innocently asked him, “Daddy where have you been?” to which he coolly answered, “Just stretching my limbs a bit”.