Social Security – Kenyan Style

Some of us have watched so many Hollywood movies that we feel more American than Americans themselves. We have a parallel culture with identical facets to those found in America. It is not unusual to hear Kenyan Laymen use with abandon such words as FBI and IRS. Many also refer vehicle boots and bonnets as trunks and hoods and are also spelling words with “Z” instead of “S”. This fake Americanisation is however unable to ensure that base systems are in place for us to consider ourselves in the league of the only remaining super power (sic).

Good Neighbourliness

The above is a grim picture of how far we are from becoming like America. The good news is that all is not lost. We may not have the elaborate Social Security System that ensures jobless and retired people can eat and have a place to sleep like the Americans. What we have is our very own version of a functioning social security system. It is based purely on good neighbourliness, brotherhood, and respect.

It is a known fact that we are grappling with the effects of negative ethnicity. While this is a growing problem, there is a small glimmer of hope. There are people all over this beautiful country who have overcome the animal that is tribalism. I observed this interesting phenomenon when I lived and worked in Kisumu. Being a Kikuyu myself, I was apprehensive to move to the heart of Luoland barely two years after the dreadful post-election violence.

I discovered that I had absolutely nothing to be afraid of. I was shown some property belonging to a Kikuyu man and was told that it had not been touched during the violence. If anything, the neighbours had defended it fiercely from vandalism. On asking how that was possible, I was told, “He lived well with us and treated us with respect. He was more than a good neighbour, he was a brother.” I was told he later moved away due to his personal discomfort of being the only Kikuyu in a hundred mile radius (all others had been chased or run away).

It was interesting to learn that even our dreaded tribalism can be overcome by treating each other with respect irrespective of tribe. It is what I like to call Social Security, Kenyan version.

Equal Status

Theft is in many ways like the flow of a river. This is because it entails the movement of goods from a high gradient to a low one. Most thieves steal from those who they perceive to have more than them. This is why a poor person feels completely safe living in some of the most dangerous slums in the country. The simple explanation is that there is no gradient of wealth between the slum resident and thug. Both are of equal status and therefore secure in each other’s company.

Speaking to People’s Conscience

There are many anti-hijack training programmes in our country owing to the sharp rise in the vice in recent years. A common teaching in all of them is that if you are accosted by hijackers, you should cooperate with them and give in to their demands without resistance. The idea here is to speak to their consciences (apparently, everybody has one).

Retirement Plan

Old people in Kenya are taken of by their children. Parents are therefore advised to be nice to their growing children because they will one day be the only available retirement plan. The idea of old peoples’ homes has not caught on. Besides, very few can afford it.

Education Plan

Woe to you if you are the first born in a big family. Those little brothers and sisters who are born when you already eating githeri will be your responsibility before you can think of getting your own children. You will pay for their secondary and college education. You will also ensure they get jobs by taking to anybody who might know someone who is somebody.

Health Plan

I heard somebody say that you can’t afford to fall sick in this country. This is unless you are one of the privileged few whose employer has taken out a medical cover for you. The rest of Kenyans have to conduct harambees (fund raisers) at great strain to all involved. That is Kenyan social security for you.

Valentine’s Day to become a Public Holiday

The month of love is finally with us. This week will culminate in the usually much awaited Valentine’s Day. As it is with most important days, Valentine’s Day is founded on pain and suffering. It is a day set aside to commemorate the death as a martyr, of St. Valentine. This saint was a Catholic Bishop during the reign of Emperor Claudius in Rome. It is reported that the Emperor abolished the institution of marriage among his soldiers because he believed single men fought better in war. Bishop Valentine however, continued conducting their weddings in secret until he was discovered and executed.

The modern Valentine’s Day involves thoughtful treats by lovers on each other. It has become a very important day and often turns out to be a significant milestone in relationships. I have been looking at this day and have decided that it should be made into a public holiday.

Overcoming Shyness
One of the biggest hindrances to the progression of relationships is shyness. This is particularly so with young men who are expected to make the first move (or any move for that matter). Valentine’s Day provides the perfect opportunity for asking those tough questions to the women they love. On this day, only the most diabolical of women would be courageous enough to break a man’s heart.

Lover’s Reconciliation

Valentine’s Day is the perfect window of opportunity for lovers to make up after any spats in the preceding year. The air is heavy with love during this season and even the hardest of hearts is bound to melt with forgiveness. Reconciliations lead to the saving of marriages on the verge of collapse and the benefits of this extend even to the children. Nothing strengthens a relationship more than an emotional make-up after a painful break-up.

Moving Relationships to the next Level

Lately, women have been complaining that men are to slow to commit. This has led to frustrations in many relationships. Valentine’s Day is an ideal time for all those hesitant men to propose to their lady loves. There is something about making a commitment on a day set aside for everyone in the world to express their love to one another. A lot of lasting marriages are founded on a Valentine’s Day proposal.

Celebration of Love

For those who are already in love and in stable relationships, Valentine’s Day is the time to express that love. It is a day when ladies can wear screaming-red dresses and men can walk around town carrying bunches of roses without caring who is watching. After all, everybody else is doing the same. People can show love with complete and utter abandon. On which other day can one do that?

Side-lining of Mpango wa Kandos (Clandestine Lovers)

Being the official day of love, most men would not dare to be with their clande’s. They have to make the effort to be with their official wives. This then means that the day encourages the growth of proper families and discourages side dishes. This is good for society.

No lying at Work

All the things described above are full-day activities. It therefore means that, in those years when Valentine falls on a working day, people have to come up with all sorts of creative excuses to be away from work. The only reprieve has been the fact that even the boss is also up to similar activities of his own. If Valentine’s Day is made into a public holiday, people in love would not be forced to lie at work in addition to footing the hefty bills that accompany their loyalty pledges.

Benefits of making Valentine’s Day into a Public Holiday

I think the government should seriously consider making this important day into a public holiday. As can be gleaned from the Layman’s observations above, good loving relationships can be nurtured all over the country. Families, and by extension communities, would flourish. There would be less destitute children as a result of painful divorces. There would also be no need to lie at work in order to spend time with a significant other. But then, am just a Layman; who takes me seriously?

P.S. Can the Government consider subsidising chocolate and red roses during the month of love? This would really help even the low income earners to afford to express their love on this important occasion.

 

 

The Impending Taxi Debacle in Kenya

A Child of the System

It is true that am a Layman on many matters. Taxi business is not one of them. I drove a taxi in Nairobi for 4 years and am familiar with that territory. I can relate very well with what happens in the industry having spent many nights “in my shoes” as we used to refer to working the night shift. I have experienced my fair share of difficult passengers and have lost my way in this city more times than I care to remember.

For all its seemingly endless challenges, it is this industry that helped to make me what I am today. I learnt to relate with diverse people and personalities. I also learnt to persevere hardships and even have fun while at it. It is an industry that I respect immensely. It is my experiences as a taxi driver that inspired me to start one of my blogs http://acabdriverstory.blogspot.co.za/.

New (Threatening) Kid on the Block

I listened with concern, an incident in which a taxi was reportedly stoned by irate taxi operators. The stoned taxi is said to be operated by a new entrant in the industry, Uber. Uber is an American company that operates in many countries all over the world. It has taken the taxi industry by storm by utilising technology and creating a platform for thousands of car owners to cash in on the taxi business. The concept looks good on paper and has also benefited passengers who have to pay less than they have to pay on regular taxis.

The Uber concept has not gone down well with the usual taxi operators. I can understand them because like I have said before, I am one of them. They are unhappy with what they claim to be undercutting by the new operators. Apparently, Uber is able to charge about half of what other taxis demand for the same distance. Most clients have moved to Uber and some very unhappy people have declared, “Over our dead bodies!”

Territorial

Taxis in Nairobi and other towns in Kenya are highly territorial. Each taxi operates from a specific base and can only pick passengers from within a particular radius. Any taxi that attempts to pick clients outside of its given area will be invading on another’s territory. What this has meant is that once a taxi drops a client, it has to drive back to its base empty even if there is another passenger at the drop zone going back in the same direction.

This is unlike what would happen in the US (I have heard; I’ve never been there) where a taxi can drive continuously for days picking and dropping passengers along the way. This, I think, is how Uber is structured. This then enables an operator to charge the customer for only the distance ferried instead of additionally charging for the empty return trip back to base. This is what is bringing about the huge price disparity between the two operators.

Understandable Concerns

I know I cannot be completely objective on this matter having been one of the players in the past. In spite of this, I still think that these operators have a legitimate concern. They correctly claim that they are being pushed out of business and yet they have commitments using projections based on their current operating model. How far they get in fighting the new comers is still uncertain. I hope they can work out a favourable compromise that will not oppress either side too much.

Wind of Change

It is often said that the only fixed thing is change. When change comes, it comes. There is little anybody can do about it. Addressing the press, the spokesman of the United Kenya Taxi Association admitted that some of the Uber drivers were actually their former members. It will therefore be difficult for the association to be too military in diffusing the stand-off.

Technology

The face of business has changed in recent years with the fast advancement in technology. Mobile phone technology has been the most utilised by taxis and their way of communicating with customers has changed drastically in the last few years. The uptake of other technologies had not picked on in the industry until Uber came along. Now one can book their taxi online. This has never happened before.

Customer is King

‘Money makes the world go round’, so they say. By extension, this means that the one with money can push his world round faster. ‘Customer is King’, goes the modern business mantra. I think that in the end, the winner of the taxi wars will be the one who makes the customer happiest by giving most value for money. Don’t wait for my vote on the matter. I can’t afford taxi fare. Ask me when there is a pedestrian crisis. That is my territory.

 

Tribute to our Loving Dad

Dad, who could love us more that you?

Who could be as selfless as you?

Oh, who could hug as warmly as you?

Only you Dad

Only you who did not care who was watching

 

Dad, who could measure up to your humility?

Who could come down to our level?

Oh, who could be so firm yet so kind?

Only you Dad,

Only you did not care about what you owned

 

Dad, who could be as patient with us as you?

Who could answer all the myriad funny questions?

Who could stop a car that many times for potty break?

Only you Dad

Only you who was never tired of us

 

Dad, who could muster that much attention?

Who could listen that attentively to all our childhood chatter?

Who could take everything that seriously from us?

Only you Dad,

Only you who gave us your undivided attention

 

Dad, who could make us laugh the way you did?

Who could work a joke the way you did?

Who could have such a humorous way of looking at everything?

Only you Dad

Only you who could make us laugh at ourselves

 

Dad, who could teach as well as you?

Who could break down information for young minds like you did?

Who could make the most complex concepts look easy?

Only you Dad

Only you who taught us the power of saving

 

Dad, who can describe you on a piece of paper?

Who can mention every sweet thing you ever did or said?

Who can explain you, an enigma?

Only you Dad

Only you who was more than a father to us, you who was and always will be our best friend

We can’t say a true good bye, because you will always live in our hearts.

 

Joining the “Walking Class”

As I reported last week, I am back in the city. I am now working as a driver which is why I had a bone to pick with arrogant pedestrians. Today am not complaining because I feel much better after getting it off my chest. I am enjoying my time in the city and this time, I have decided not to stay in the village. I have settled down among the real Kenyans.

For those who are curious as to the abode of the Layman, I will share on condition that you don’t start stalking me. I board matatu or bus number 46 which goes to Kawangare. I do not go up to Kawangare itself. I alight at a bus stop known as Amboseli road because that is the road I take to go to my house. Amboseli road is lined on both sides by posh houses with spacious compounds and mature gardens. It is what you would correctly refer to as a leafy suburb.

As you can now tell, my neighbours on Amboseli road are well to do. You can tell this by the nice cars they drive (the kind with factory-tinted windows and electric sunroofs). You can also tell by the well-fed guards who open the gates. Now before you start congratulating me on my newfound affluence, I don’t live on this part of Amboseli road. The first one kilometre is tarmacked and that is the part I have just described.

Amboseli road continues long after the tarmac ends. It is this part where the Layman has his den. It is not tarmacked and in the few days I have been there, I have experienced suffocating dust and slippery mud. You can count the number of trees in this area but you can’t count any flowers because there are none. We are practical people. We only grow what we need. Whenever you hear about the people of Amboseli road, be assured this is the group being discussed.

I know I have described the bus number you need to take to reach Amboseli road. However, a lot of my neigbours (myself included) rarely take the bus. We take “route 11” (which is another Kenyan name for walking). When my rich Amboseli road neighbours walk, they do it in their ‘Nike’ walking shoes and designer track suits. They do it in a leisurely fashion and pace, probably as a result of threats by their personal physicians.

When people from my side of Amboseli road walk, we do it purposefully. We have no special attire so we do it in our work clothes. We also don’t walk at a leisurely pace because that would mean getting late for work. We walk purposefully like soldiers in a marching drill. We don’t know each other so we don’t talk. We take one direction in the morning and the opposite one in the evening. We walk at the same speed so there is usually no need for overtaking. We are happy because we have a job even though we can’t always afford fare in one of the dingy No. 46 matatus.

I live in a plot with at least 200 single rooms on three levels; in several haphazardly arranged blocks. I don’t know anybody yet but I have observed single people, and families with children living in the 11 foot square rooms. My immediate neighbour on one side is a man with a wife and 4 young children. The room on the other side is shared by two men (I don’t know if they have families upcountry). In all the blocks, I find children playing in the narrow verandas but all is usually quiet after 8 p.m.

The working class is usually classified into white collar and blue collar. In Amboseli road however, we all belong to one class. We are the “Walking Class”. We are also the true working class because you will need us to drive your car, do your dishes, walk your dog, and guard you while you sleep. You will also need us to take care of your baby as you go out to make that money that we all need so much. I know Marslow will probably disagree with me when I say that it is us who have achieved self-actualisation but this is the truth. If the happy moments I hear through the wall as the kids welcome their father home in the evening is anything to go by, then I believe I am living among the right people.

Walking Licences for Pedestrians

I am back in the big city after several years away in mashambani. I am now the true Layman in that I am having to learn everything afresh. This shamba la mawe (concrete jungle) is so different from when I roamed this city; young, wild, and free. Everything has now been changed so as to intimidate me, or so it seems. I have to consciously think of where am going because it is now easier than ever to get lost. The fact that am coming back as a driver does not help matters. I am having to learn on the job. I am a work in progress.

We don’t have to admire big roads in the movies. The movies have come to us, in the form of super highways and bypasses in the places where there used to be footpaths back in the day. While I could always brag about my knowledge in how to read traffic lights to my fellow Laymen in Eldoret, I have seen a new concept which I had not left in Nairobi. The traffic lights now have countdown clocks. They make me feel like an astronaut about to lift off in a rocket. The only thing remaining is to have a loud speaker reading the countdown out loud.

I am impressed by Nairobi drivers because they are very compliant with all the myriad rules. I however have a problem with pedestrians. They seem to have acquired a rare kind of confidence which borders on arrogance. Like the drivers, pedestrians also have their own lights – complete with a countdown clock. For the life of me however, I cannot tell why they don’t use them.

When you are driving, you patiently wait for the lights to go green as you quietly whisper the seconds as they countdown. Then, just as you are allowed to go, the proud Nairobi pedestrians step off the kerb and waddle onto the road with the gait of peacocks. However narrow the road is, this pack of self-righteous pedestrians will make sure that they use as much time as it takes for the lights to go red before they reach the other side. By now you are fuming and these folks on foot will sneer back at you as if to say “Utado?!” (What’s the worst you can do?).

If you ask me, someone is out to punish those who are rich enough to afford cars. What he forgets (whoever he is) is that not everyone who is driving on the road owns a car. Some of us are just employees who use the cars during the day and walk home in the evening. If you thought you are punishing a rich man, you are wrong. I am your fellow hustler. Spare a thought for poor drivers who have to accomplish their daily work quotas even with your spirit of non-cooperation on the road.

In order for me to qualify to drive a car on the road, I had to undergo lessons and pass a test. To get a driving job, I had to undergo a rigorous interview process where among other things, I had to prove that I could drive a car safely. I also have to undergo serious vetting every time a traffic policeman stops me. I therefore find it ironic that one only needs to be able to put one foot in front of another to walk in Nairobi. This is somebody who has to use the same road and follow the same rules as me who is a full professional driver. It is for this reason that I recommend a Walker’s License especially for those who intend to conduct that dangerous activity in our beautiful city.

With such a license, a proper curriculum could be developed and comprehensive training carried out before testing and issuance of a license. Random police checks could then be carried out on people arriving in Nairobi on public transport, and those deemed unqualified to walk our streets sent back home on the same matatus they came in. This would definitely increase the respect between drivers and pedestrians because it would be a case of one professional beholding another. There would be less accidents involving pedestrians and definitely less traffic jams. Walking would cease to be the most dangerous form of transport. But then, that’s just me; and am only a Layman!

P.S. Did you know that (theoretically at least) you could have set off the gridlock traffic jam during your lunch break that will delay your reaching home in the evening? It is all to do with your running the pedestrians’ red light just outside your office.

 

Junk Food should be Categorised as a Narcotic

A narcotic is defined as a drug or other substance affecting mood or behaviour and sold for non-medical purposes, especially an illegal one. I know from the definition that most of you are almost signing out because you don't think your beloved junk food should appear in the same sentence as drugs. Before you go, I beg that you hear me out so that you may make an informed decision.

Junk food is defined as food of low nutritional value that is typically produced in the form of packaged snacks needing little or no preparation. From the definition, it sounds very innocent. However, once you get to know the effects of junk food on your body, you will realise it's not as safe as it sounds.

Processed Food
Almost all food getting to our tables today is processed in some way. People no longer go to their kitchen garden to get their fresh produce. Instead, they visit the supermarket where they get even their vegetables pre-packed. Grain food such as maize and wheat is rarely sold in it's basic unprocessed form. Most is shelled and fine-ground with most of the components removed, save for the starchy part. This means that even your beloved ugali or chapatti is highly processed even before you cook it.

Addictive Designer Food
I have seen the labels on potato crisps packets. They use such words as "perfectly salted" or, "one is never enough". This means that someone has sat down and designed the food all the way from the way it tastes, to the way it "melts" in your mouth. You will never forget the first bite. Once you eat this food, you are "hooked" for life. You will always find yourself craving for more and you will never have enough of it.

Negative Health Effects of Junk Food
I will not be saying anything new if I talk about the profound negative effects of junk food. The only reason I have for repeating the lesson is the apparent ignorance of most people on what their eating habits are doing to them.

Obesity is on the rise due to an increased intake of junk food. It is unfortunate that this is afflicting even young children who are often weaned on a diet of junk food. Obesity by itself would not be so bad if it didn't come with so many other health implications. The main ones that come to mind are hypertension, type 2 diabetes, and joint problems.

High cholesterol levels may not always be connected to obesity but are closely connected. An intake of foods high in cholesterol (especially bad cholesterol, found in junk food), leads to a build-up of the same with the accompanying problems such as constricted arteries.

Extensive Advertisement
It is now illegal to advertise cigarettes due to the harm they cause to users' health. Narcotic drugs are illegal and so even the issue of advertising does not arise. There are calls to ban the advertisement of alcohol. The advertisement of junk food however, continues unabated. This is in spite of the strain they are putting on health services in managing the resultant conditions from their use.

Call to Re-Categorise Junk Food
I think that junk food causes the same (if not more) harm as drugs. I therefore think something should be done to discourage people from eating it. If that is not possible, then it should be taken in moderation (like a controlled drug). If this is not done, we are going to have a health crisis. That is my take, but then, am just a Layman. Who takes me seriously?