There’s an App for that

Our generation has found itself smack in the centre of a technological revolution. Gadgets have become smaller and infinitely more powerful. These days, when you think you have seen it all, something comes up that tells you, this is just the beginning.

Perhaps the single most significant aspect of technological advancement is mobility. It is no longer just a question of what a gadget can do. It is about being able to go everywhere with it – such as, to the toilet (I, for instance, only access Instagram in the toilet – Don’t ask!).

Programmable Mobile Phones

My brother, who is a computer programmer, tells me that the real revolution in mobile telephony occurred when the manufacturers started using the java language. While phones previously ran on software pre-installed into the hardware, java based phones could be manufactured empty and then fed with whatever a particular user wants. This, I think, is what ushered in the era of what we now fondly refer to as Apps (I guess its short for Applications).

Useful Apps

A lot of apps available today are quite useful. One of the first apps that I ever downloaded when I first got a smart phone was the flashlight app. I needed something to get over having to give up my old phone. I used to have a mulika mwizi, so called because it has a built-in flashlight. I was therefore pleasantly surprised to know that I could actually transform my smart phone into an advanced sort of mulika mwizi.

When I was growing up, there used to be civil servants then known as agricultural extension officers. They would walk around agricultural areas advising farmers on various aspects of farming such as the right seed to plant and the ideal time to carry out various farming activities. I no longer see them and although am not a farmer, I can imagine how hard it is to farm without a good source of reliable advice. That period of uncertainty among farmers is now over. This is thanks to an app known as M-Farm. Through the app, farmers can now get all the information that used to be disseminated by extension officers and more.

I have talked about the evolution of social media before here http://thelaymanspoint.blogspot.co.za/2015/03/the-evolution-of-social-media.html . It is obvious that the old days were not so good as far as communication between people was concerned. It is now easier than ever to keep in touch with friends, relatives, and associates. This is made possible by efficient and user friendly social media apps. We are so dependent on Facebook, twitter, LinkedIn, WhatsApp, and many others, that it is impossible to imagine how we survived without them.

Now that am back to my driving job in a city that is ever expanding and growing more complicated, I need my maps more than ever. I however cannot depend on traditional maps as I did before as I once wrote about it here http://acabdriverstory.blogspot.co.za/2012/11/finding-way-of-not-getting-lost.html . This is because roads are changing every day and maps cannot be updated fast enough. The google maps app is so handy it even gives route suggestions and how long it will take to get to your destination.

Useless Apps

The good also comes with the bad and consequently, there are those Apps that appear to be quite useless to the typical Layman. I have seen Apps whose only possible advantage is that they keep the users out of trouble by engaging them for hours doing absolutely nothing.

Candy Crush

I have warned my friends on Facebook to desist from sending me invites to play candy crush. However, my stern warnings and even threats of unfriending them, has fallen on deaf years. The candy crush craze cuts across all statuses and classes. Even people who I respect profoundly have taken up candy crush as a way to kill valuable time. This is one App I would advocate to be banned by the Government.

Who’s your Best Friend?

There is an App that can apparently tell you who your best friend is. I have no idea who came up with the idea or even how the algorithm works. I don’t think the app works but that has not stopped thousands of idle people from using it. It also appears on the Layman’s list of Apps to be banned.

Where have you Pooped?

Yes, you heard that right! There is an App that allows users (mainly frequent travellers) to record all of the exotic places they have pooped across the world. I don’t know what the objectives of either the developers or users are. I however think they receive a lot of feedback judging from the kind of reviews they get online. So, if you are one of those people who poop just to obey nature, just know there are others for whom it is serious business.

What other Apps?

Can you think of any other App (useful or otherwise) that you may have come across? You can also share.

 

Adjusting to Geographical Bachelorhood

Getting a new job is usually an exciting event in one’s life. The future looks bright with the prospects of new acquaintances, and professional growth showing up on the horizon. Aside from the blessings of a new job, there are certain challenges that come with having to work in a different town, away from family and friends; all alone!

Going Home to an Empty House

I have been used to my daily dose of warm hugs from my wife and children that I am virtually addicted to them. I now come home to an empty house where the only thing that meets me at the door is the musty smell generated by the closed door and miniature window. The smell is the least of my problems because it is easily sorted by leaving the door wide open for a few minutes. The major issue is cleaning and tidying things up.

Stooping to Do the Dishes

My small room does not have a sink. I have to do my dishes in small basins set down on the floor. I do all this while seated on a stool whose height tells me it was not meant for any floor-level activities. My back tells the same story when am done but at this time, I don’t have much of a choice unless I want to start rearing cockroaches. If I had been one of those traditionally chauvinistic dudes, I would have said I can’t stoop that low (pun intended), and opted to eat all my meals at my local joint (I promise to write about that soon). I however pride myself in being a very progressive Layman just the way I see on TV.

Laundry in Gloves

There is a marked difference between senior bachelors and geographical ones. Senior bachelors have been at their game for a long time and seem to have adjusted quite well to their solitary lifestyle. Geographical bachelors on the other hand, are victims of circumstances and are ill-equipped for their new-found situation. One thing that is not well evolved in geographical bachelors is their hands. They are all tender and not suitable for doing laundry. This is made more critical by the excessive amount of detergent they pour into the water – ostensibly to reduce the work of scrubbing the clothes.

It is this overdose of omo (detergent) that initially led me to get painful sores on my hands every time I washed my clothes. They say necessity is the mother of invention (or in my case discovery) because quite soon I discovered the wonders of laundry gloves. I can now put as much detergent as I want and my hands will still be safe after the ‘ordeal’ of laundry.
Sleeping on the Floor

In the first few weeks of my bachelorhood, I did not have a bed. It is not that I dislike beds. It’s just that I could not afford one just yet. I got myself a mattress and set it on the floor. I found out that sleeping on the floor is actually quite comfortable apart from two occasions – getting into and out of bed.

I remember in the first week of my experience, a neighbour was beating the wife in the middle of the night. I was deep asleep and didn’t hear the actual fight. I only heard her shrill scream that shook me from my slumber. The first thing that came to mind was that the building was collapsing (Don’t ask). I rushed out of bed – only that there was no bed. I hit my knee on the floor and in my pain, got tangled in my mosquito net. The following morning I was limping but on enquiry, no one else had heard the scream (people are deaf these days).

Furnishing-Up from Scratch

Furnishing a house (a room in my case) is no easy matter. I never realised furniture is so expensive until I started asking around. I have therefore had to contend with a lot of plastic furniture. I have a plastic chair, stool, side table, and even coffee table (I never knew they had those in plastic). I am proud of all my plastic furniture apart from the coffee table (can you believe it’s blue in colour?).

When I bought my mattress, I had to transport it on a boda boda (motor bike taxi). I set it across my knees as I sat behind the driver. It was a precarious situation because it was pushing me back as it was blown by the wind during motion. It was also bumping into pedestrians on the side of the road but I could tell they didn’t mind by their loud silence.

I later bought a bed but I could only afford to transport it on a mkokoteni (hand cart). I was amazed by the strength of the driver, who was very small by the way. I really pitied him but I realised this was probably among the lightest of the things he has to carry all day. He amazed me in the way he could stop and start surrounded by hooting cars and buses in heavy traffic. Anyhow, I got the bed to our plot and the hassle of carrying it on our narrow corridors to my room is something I don’t want to remember any time soon.

Cooking on a Meko (6 Kg gas cooker with integrated burner)

I have always found the meko to be a funny looking thing. Now I have to use one. I cook sitting on my plastic stool (mentioned above) but fortunately, I don’t have to stoop so low for this particular activity. I don’t mind cooking because it culminates in a pleasurable activity (eating!), but I wish I could use disposable utensils that don’t need washing. I am however appreciative of the fact that I have not had the need to use the charcoal jiko (stove) or kerosene stove that my wife made me to pack – just in case.

P.S. I have to pen-off now because I have to make supper. Talk to you later!

Getting All Tangled-up in Red Tape

Debilitating Bureaucracy
We were all surprised some days ago to read about top-of-the-range cars rusting away at the Judiciary compound. Some fellows are reported to be vandalising the vehicles for parts. By now, the cars could have lost most of their value and if they remain where they are, they may end up only being worth their weight in scrap metal. That is the price we have to pay for bureaucracy. Nobody can make a move on properly disposing of the vehicles without following a long and virtually obsolete process. So, why bother?

Stuck in the Past

My father worked as a civil servant for decades until his retirement. He had learnt the British way of keeping impeccable records of everything. Systems worked then and although they may appear primitive compared to today’s technological advances, they were more than adequate back in the day. It is actually quite surprising to learn that the government during those days kept ahead of the private sector in terms of technological advancement.

In the present day however, the government always seems to be playing catch-up with everybody else in terms of innovation. This is the reason why even disposing a used battery becomes a major issue requiring signatures from very high up. This leads to those concerned just letting things rust away because they don’t want to be accused of trying to pilfer them.

Fear of Simplicity

There appears to be a perception among modern Kenyans that if a process is too simple, then it is not authentic. Every simple process has been made into a maze of details which the operators insist have to be done one after the other in a pre-determined order. If there is any omission of one step whose significance cannot be explained, the whole process has to be repeated with even more steps; ostensibly to safeguard against irregularities (my foot!)

Reinventing the Innovation Wheel

If you attend the myriad workshops by government and other organisations, you will hear such jargon as ‘lessons learnt’ and ‘best practice’. What they mean in Layman’s terms is that when you are trying to do something that has been done before, you need to utilise any knowledge gleaned by those who did it before you. A few of these best practice advocates however use prior knowledge. They all want to get their own experience first-hand. They will therefore commission their own expensive feasibility studies and baseline surveys even though other people have done them countless times before. They have this unexplained need to reinvent the innovation wheel.

No Mentorship

People normally retire on the attainment of the maximum age for working in a particular organisation. Their positions are then taken up by younger people who have been prepared for those duties. The best proven way of having a smooth transition when a person leaves a job, due to retirement or other reasons, is a mentorship program. Workers, particularly those in senior positions, are encouraged to mentor possible replacements who will take over when they leave.

It has been observed that many people don’t like mentoring younger workers to take over when they leave. They reason that nobody helped them get where they are and so anybody wanting a promotion has to go through the same tedious process as they did. The lobbying and politics that the scrambling for a soon-to-be-vacant position generates becomes the recipe for a big tangled-up roll of red-tape.

Groundwork for Corruption

I have noted that most of the grand corruption schemes entail elaborate planning. The tracks are then hidden under heaps of red-tape. This is the reason why even after discovering that money has been stolen, it takes long (or never) to identify the perpetrators. A big spool of red-tape is usually a red-flag for corruption ongoing or in the offing. So I guess red-tape is either good or bad depending on which side you are on.

 

 

Let’s Conduct our Corruption Activities with Decorum

Affidavits

In the recent past, we have been treated to the extensive use of a new word – Affidavit. In this country, such new words have a way of getting a life of their own. Examples of other words which we have come to embrace in a renewed way include; reforms, multi-partysm, constitution, affirmative action, inclusion, consultation, mediation, and resignation, among many others.

Deviation from Press Releases

Most of us watch news to see whether one public figure or other would be taking his political fight to the media. There is the usual boring setup of tables and chairs usually outdoors, but also commonly in some dull board room somewhere. All major (and most minor) media houses will be present as one can tell from the branded attachments to the sea of microphones. The first shot of the press release will show everyone to have arrived apart from the actual speaker as can be evidenced by the empty seat towards which all the microphones are pointed.

There will be some grumbling among the grim faced attendees of the function. This will only die down when the spokesman makes a grand entrance and shoves himself towards the seat reserved for him. Most of the attendees will not have seats but will strategically position themselves behind the spokesman as if to ensure their families and friends will see them on prime-time news.

The spokesperson will clear his throat, apologise for being late (even if he was just outside the gate), and proceed to read a hastily prepared generic speech. The speech is just a filler. The meat of the issue will of course be contained in the off-the-cuff remarks that are sure to follow afterwards. It is during this crucial session that the multitude behind him will nod their heads in agreement at every word he says while at the same maintaining their serious faces, lest you think this is a joking matter.

Now you can relax in the knowledge that press conferences will no longer be made. We have moved to the era of affidavits. For those who don’t know, an affidavit is a written statement confirmed by oath or affirmation, for use as evidence in court. This is good news because it then means that, all the juicy dossiers we are getting from the affidavits are admissible in court. This is not the case with press releases.

It’s not about Giving Back the Stolen Money

In case you may be wondering, I am not trying to look for ways to end corruption in Kenya. I am merely saying that if we have to do it, let’s do it with befitting decorum. One no longer needs to deny all knowledge of lost money. All they have to do is swear an affidavit to tell us about other money which we didn’t even know was missing as well as revealing previously faceless thieves.

It is about Explaining how the Money was Spent

The government, like any other institution, runs on a predetermined budget. Many times however, the budget ends up being impractical and those charged with implementing it are forced to engage their creativity in modifying it (Ooh! Bless them!). Through an affidavit, it is possible to explain how these previously unknown adjustments were made and why. Nobody needs to go to jail and no money needs to be returned. After all, nothing was stolen and by extension, nobody stole anything.

Redefining Corruption

Corruption is such an ugly word. It appears even uglier if it is used in reference to the noble activities carried out by people who have to think on their feet and deal with all the contingencies involved in running a government and other big institutions. Let us not call those who are suspected of fraud corrupt. Let us patiently wait for the courts to declare them either dirty or clean. Let us not call the courts corrupt. Let us instead give them a chance to explain what is happening in high profile cases where they are accused of taking bribes.

Paving the Way for ‘Clean’ Corruption

When HIV/AIDS was declared a national disaster, the government went all out to ensure infection rates were reduced. It did not make a moral issue of saying promiscuity was a major contributing factor. Instead, it ensured that there were enough condoms for people who did not think of abstinence or faithfulness as viable options. The same should be done for corruption. It should be declared a national disaster. This would ensure that those who would feel that stopping corruption is not practical would be provided with a level playing field. This would help them to conduct their corruption business with the decorum that it so obviously lacks at the moment.

Social Security – Kenyan Style

Some of us have watched so many Hollywood movies that we feel more American than Americans themselves. We have a parallel culture with identical facets to those found in America. It is not unusual to hear Kenyan Laymen use with abandon such words as FBI and IRS. Many also refer vehicle boots and bonnets as trunks and hoods and are also spelling words with “Z” instead of “S”. This fake Americanisation is however unable to ensure that base systems are in place for us to consider ourselves in the league of the only remaining super power (sic).

Good Neighbourliness

The above is a grim picture of how far we are from becoming like America. The good news is that all is not lost. We may not have the elaborate Social Security System that ensures jobless and retired people can eat and have a place to sleep like the Americans. What we have is our very own version of a functioning social security system. It is based purely on good neighbourliness, brotherhood, and respect.

It is a known fact that we are grappling with the effects of negative ethnicity. While this is a growing problem, there is a small glimmer of hope. There are people all over this beautiful country who have overcome the animal that is tribalism. I observed this interesting phenomenon when I lived and worked in Kisumu. Being a Kikuyu myself, I was apprehensive to move to the heart of Luoland barely two years after the dreadful post-election violence.

I discovered that I had absolutely nothing to be afraid of. I was shown some property belonging to a Kikuyu man and was told that it had not been touched during the violence. If anything, the neighbours had defended it fiercely from vandalism. On asking how that was possible, I was told, “He lived well with us and treated us with respect. He was more than a good neighbour, he was a brother.” I was told he later moved away due to his personal discomfort of being the only Kikuyu in a hundred mile radius (all others had been chased or run away).

It was interesting to learn that even our dreaded tribalism can be overcome by treating each other with respect irrespective of tribe. It is what I like to call Social Security, Kenyan version.

Equal Status

Theft is in many ways like the flow of a river. This is because it entails the movement of goods from a high gradient to a low one. Most thieves steal from those who they perceive to have more than them. This is why a poor person feels completely safe living in some of the most dangerous slums in the country. The simple explanation is that there is no gradient of wealth between the slum resident and thug. Both are of equal status and therefore secure in each other’s company.

Speaking to People’s Conscience

There are many anti-hijack training programmes in our country owing to the sharp rise in the vice in recent years. A common teaching in all of them is that if you are accosted by hijackers, you should cooperate with them and give in to their demands without resistance. The idea here is to speak to their consciences (apparently, everybody has one).

Retirement Plan

Old people in Kenya are taken of by their children. Parents are therefore advised to be nice to their growing children because they will one day be the only available retirement plan. The idea of old peoples’ homes has not caught on. Besides, very few can afford it.

Education Plan

Woe to you if you are the first born in a big family. Those little brothers and sisters who are born when you already eating githeri will be your responsibility before you can think of getting your own children. You will pay for their secondary and college education. You will also ensure they get jobs by taking to anybody who might know someone who is somebody.

Health Plan

I heard somebody say that you can’t afford to fall sick in this country. This is unless you are one of the privileged few whose employer has taken out a medical cover for you. The rest of Kenyans have to conduct harambees (fund raisers) at great strain to all involved. That is Kenyan social security for you.

Valentine’s Day to become a Public Holiday

The month of love is finally with us. This week will culminate in the usually much awaited Valentine’s Day. As it is with most important days, Valentine’s Day is founded on pain and suffering. It is a day set aside to commemorate the death as a martyr, of St. Valentine. This saint was a Catholic Bishop during the reign of Emperor Claudius in Rome. It is reported that the Emperor abolished the institution of marriage among his soldiers because he believed single men fought better in war. Bishop Valentine however, continued conducting their weddings in secret until he was discovered and executed.

The modern Valentine’s Day involves thoughtful treats by lovers on each other. It has become a very important day and often turns out to be a significant milestone in relationships. I have been looking at this day and have decided that it should be made into a public holiday.

Overcoming Shyness
One of the biggest hindrances to the progression of relationships is shyness. This is particularly so with young men who are expected to make the first move (or any move for that matter). Valentine’s Day provides the perfect opportunity for asking those tough questions to the women they love. On this day, only the most diabolical of women would be courageous enough to break a man’s heart.

Lover’s Reconciliation

Valentine’s Day is the perfect window of opportunity for lovers to make up after any spats in the preceding year. The air is heavy with love during this season and even the hardest of hearts is bound to melt with forgiveness. Reconciliations lead to the saving of marriages on the verge of collapse and the benefits of this extend even to the children. Nothing strengthens a relationship more than an emotional make-up after a painful break-up.

Moving Relationships to the next Level

Lately, women have been complaining that men are to slow to commit. This has led to frustrations in many relationships. Valentine’s Day is an ideal time for all those hesitant men to propose to their lady loves. There is something about making a commitment on a day set aside for everyone in the world to express their love to one another. A lot of lasting marriages are founded on a Valentine’s Day proposal.

Celebration of Love

For those who are already in love and in stable relationships, Valentine’s Day is the time to express that love. It is a day when ladies can wear screaming-red dresses and men can walk around town carrying bunches of roses without caring who is watching. After all, everybody else is doing the same. People can show love with complete and utter abandon. On which other day can one do that?

Side-lining of Mpango wa Kandos (Clandestine Lovers)

Being the official day of love, most men would not dare to be with their clande’s. They have to make the effort to be with their official wives. This then means that the day encourages the growth of proper families and discourages side dishes. This is good for society.

No lying at Work

All the things described above are full-day activities. It therefore means that, in those years when Valentine falls on a working day, people have to come up with all sorts of creative excuses to be away from work. The only reprieve has been the fact that even the boss is also up to similar activities of his own. If Valentine’s Day is made into a public holiday, people in love would not be forced to lie at work in addition to footing the hefty bills that accompany their loyalty pledges.

Benefits of making Valentine’s Day into a Public Holiday

I think the government should seriously consider making this important day into a public holiday. As can be gleaned from the Layman’s observations above, good loving relationships can be nurtured all over the country. Families, and by extension communities, would flourish. There would be less destitute children as a result of painful divorces. There would also be no need to lie at work in order to spend time with a significant other. But then, am just a Layman; who takes me seriously?

P.S. Can the Government consider subsidising chocolate and red roses during the month of love? This would really help even the low income earners to afford to express their love on this important occasion.

 

 

The Impending Taxi Debacle in Kenya

A Child of the System

It is true that am a Layman on many matters. Taxi business is not one of them. I drove a taxi in Nairobi for 4 years and am familiar with that territory. I can relate very well with what happens in the industry having spent many nights “in my shoes” as we used to refer to working the night shift. I have experienced my fair share of difficult passengers and have lost my way in this city more times than I care to remember.

For all its seemingly endless challenges, it is this industry that helped to make me what I am today. I learnt to relate with diverse people and personalities. I also learnt to persevere hardships and even have fun while at it. It is an industry that I respect immensely. It is my experiences as a taxi driver that inspired me to start one of my blogs http://acabdriverstory.blogspot.co.za/.

New (Threatening) Kid on the Block

I listened with concern, an incident in which a taxi was reportedly stoned by irate taxi operators. The stoned taxi is said to be operated by a new entrant in the industry, Uber. Uber is an American company that operates in many countries all over the world. It has taken the taxi industry by storm by utilising technology and creating a platform for thousands of car owners to cash in on the taxi business. The concept looks good on paper and has also benefited passengers who have to pay less than they have to pay on regular taxis.

The Uber concept has not gone down well with the usual taxi operators. I can understand them because like I have said before, I am one of them. They are unhappy with what they claim to be undercutting by the new operators. Apparently, Uber is able to charge about half of what other taxis demand for the same distance. Most clients have moved to Uber and some very unhappy people have declared, “Over our dead bodies!”

Territorial

Taxis in Nairobi and other towns in Kenya are highly territorial. Each taxi operates from a specific base and can only pick passengers from within a particular radius. Any taxi that attempts to pick clients outside of its given area will be invading on another’s territory. What this has meant is that once a taxi drops a client, it has to drive back to its base empty even if there is another passenger at the drop zone going back in the same direction.

This is unlike what would happen in the US (I have heard; I’ve never been there) where a taxi can drive continuously for days picking and dropping passengers along the way. This, I think, is how Uber is structured. This then enables an operator to charge the customer for only the distance ferried instead of additionally charging for the empty return trip back to base. This is what is bringing about the huge price disparity between the two operators.

Understandable Concerns

I know I cannot be completely objective on this matter having been one of the players in the past. In spite of this, I still think that these operators have a legitimate concern. They correctly claim that they are being pushed out of business and yet they have commitments using projections based on their current operating model. How far they get in fighting the new comers is still uncertain. I hope they can work out a favourable compromise that will not oppress either side too much.

Wind of Change

It is often said that the only fixed thing is change. When change comes, it comes. There is little anybody can do about it. Addressing the press, the spokesman of the United Kenya Taxi Association admitted that some of the Uber drivers were actually their former members. It will therefore be difficult for the association to be too military in diffusing the stand-off.

Technology

The face of business has changed in recent years with the fast advancement in technology. Mobile phone technology has been the most utilised by taxis and their way of communicating with customers has changed drastically in the last few years. The uptake of other technologies had not picked on in the industry until Uber came along. Now one can book their taxi online. This has never happened before.

Customer is King

‘Money makes the world go round’, so they say. By extension, this means that the one with money can push his world round faster. ‘Customer is King’, goes the modern business mantra. I think that in the end, the winner of the taxi wars will be the one who makes the customer happiest by giving most value for money. Don’t wait for my vote on the matter. I can’t afford taxi fare. Ask me when there is a pedestrian crisis. That is my territory.