A Mother’s Love

When I was small boy, I had a dream. It was not one of those grand dreams of becoming a doctor or amassing great wealth. It was to own a particular piece of clothing. We called it kamũbuto ga tũmĩkanda. Loosely translated, it meant a small trouser with straps. It was what today is referred to as dungaree and judging from how popular it is I would not be bragging if I say my superior fashion taste came before its time. Anyhow, I eventually got my dungaree (and I treasured it, although it was pink), thanks to the unrelenting efforts of my beloved mother.

Setting out the plates on the floor, she would serve all of us, each according to his or her size and respective appetite. My big brother and I of course, would ravenously eat half of everything. We never missed a meal in all our lives and when I look at my mother today, I am simply amazed at how she did it.

My mother never let us out of the house without shoes. This was at a time when other kids in our village only wore shoes on Christmas day. At a time when there were no mitumba (second hand clothes), she always ensured we were well dressed in brand new clothes. When mitumba came, we got camera (which is the term used for premium quality mitumba – selected from the bale first before the masses swoop in).

I don’t remember my mother caning me or any of my siblings as a form of discipline. The only thing I recall was a particular pinch which she would inflict on the part of the arm that usually sags in plus size women. The pinch was unique in that its pain would linger for long minutes after it had been delivered. The lack of spanking did not compromise our discipline judging from the impeccable manners inherent in my siblings and I (although in some instances, I turn out to be a black sheep).

One night when I was about ten, I woke up moaning in the middle of the night with a severe stomach ache. My mother rushed in and enquired what the matter was. She then went to the kitchen (which was outdoors in a separate structure) and came back with a piece of cloth soaked in water. She proceeded to dab my belly and within a few minutes, the pain was gone and I went back to slumber land with a smile on my face. I later often used my mother’s method of cooling a tummy ache for many years when I suffered severe acidity.

There was no hospital, dispensary, clinic, or any other form of health care facility in the village where we grew up. The only health centre available to us was in another town where we had to go by bus. It was known by the strange name of njini (I have no idea what it was derived from) but it was here that my mother faithfully took us every time we fell sick. I can remember her lovingly placing me on her lap as the nurse injected me with one of the killer needles of those days. They were so big you could clearly see the hole through which the medicine would flow into your blood stream. I guess they had to be because they were reusable and used to be boiled in water as a way of disinfecting them.

I think my mother did a decent job of bringing us up because we are now all stable with children of our own. She is now retired and has been in relatively good health until a few years ago when she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Cancer is a really bad disease because even as you fight it, it fights back. She has been treated locally and also in India where she is currently on her third visit. Her doctors say that her chances of full recovery are good but as a family, we have run really low on the required finances.

It is therefore my humble appeal to all of you friends and well wishers to support us with whatever you are able to so that my mother can be treated and return back home to us. You can use the Mchanga platform below for any contribution. Thank you for your support.

 

The Beauty of Imperfection

I once had a boss who was an expatriate from the UK. When his contract came to an end and he had to leave Kenya, he was depressed. I enquired as to why he was sad and yet he was going back to a country where everything worked perfectly. His response amazed me. “I hate the way everything back home works perfectly. Garbage is collected promptly at the same time on the same day every week without fail. The roads are in perfect condition but if you over speed even once, you get a ticket and your record is indelible,” he retorted. It took the depression of an expatriate for me to be able to look at the problems of our country as blessings.

Thorn in the Flesh

The bible scholars among us can remember the story of Paul when he asked God to remove a thorn from his side. God’s response was unusual because he declined to remove the undefined thorn from his faithful servant. Instead, he told Paul that it would remain in place to remind him that God’s Grace would be sufficient.

Hand Made Clothes

I am reliably informed that there are suits that cost as much as a small car. I am also equally reliably informed that these suits are not sewn by machine. They are cut and stitched entirely by hand. Since it takes very experienced tailors tens of hours to complete a single suit, these suits don’t come cheap. The who’s who in the world of entertainment, business, and politics were these suits. On enquiring why these clothes are more popular than machine-made ones among the affluent, I was told it was because the stitches on machine ones are too perfect and therefore, not beautiful.

Music

I once operated a music studio in Kisumu. I had invested in a Yamaha keyboard but all the youth who came to record there, preferred to use software installed on the computer to produce all the instruments. The software I used then was fruity loops through which you could simulate any instrument and generate perfect notes. I donated the keyboard to my church because nobody used it. After some time, I started getting some benga artistes to record in my studio. Benga is a style of music that is popular in the Kenyan lakeside town and is usually played live in clubs.

Benga musicians cannot accept to use computer-generated instruments. Whenever they came to my studio, they brought their own instruments and players and their music was simply beautiful. There is something special about music produced naturally by people. I understand that it is the imperfect notes that humans are bound to produce that makes natural music so special.

Litigation
Litigation is a big industry employing many people who include lawyers, judges, court clerks, probation officers, and prison warders. The whole industry is founded on the imperfection of people and their inability to comply with the law. I enjoy watching movies and among my favourite genres are court room dramas. It is interesting to watch how people get themselves out of precarious situations in law. I can’t imagine how life would be if nobody broke the law. It is one of the many instances where imperfection gives rise to beauty.

Making Up after Breaking Up

I once heard of a pastor who, when conducting premarital counselling on couples, would ask them if they had ever had a major disagreement. If they had not, he would send them away and tell them to come back when they had had at least one fight. He was basing his teaching on research which shows that people in a relationship become closer when they make up after a fight. Although the pastor’s method was a bit unorthodox, it is true that people who never fight end up in a relatively boring relationship. There is nothing that makes people fonder of each other than a make-up after a break-up.

Management

I aspire to be in management of a very big organisation in future. One thing I have to contend with however, is that managers are in place to deal mainly with problems. If an organisation had no problems and everybody did what they were supposed to do promptly, there would be little or no need for managers. Management is another industry, like law, that thrives on imperfection.

There you have it my fellow Laymen. Go out and live your imperfectly beautiful lives!

 

 

 

Sandak Kichungi – Unifying Kenyan Women

As any writer can attest, writing about women is a risky undertaking. Inasmuch as all my writings are based on personal observations, women are a different ball game altogether. This is because when it comes to women, what you see is not necessarily what you get. Speaking strictly from a man’s point of view, I would say women are complicated. They are so complicated that even they do not seem to completely understand themselves.

I have heard, and also observed, that women are fiercely competitive. However, I am reliably informed, their competition is not always about us men. It is true that women compete with each other but it is not for the purpose of netting any men in particular. Rather, their competition is aimed at outdoing each other as an end in itself. This hypothesis was put in perspective by a colleague’s wife. On being asked why she puts so much effort into looking good and yet she had already ‘netted’ him, she replied, “I am not doing this for you. I do it to prove to other women that I am doing well.”

If you visit a pub or village restaurant, you will find men of all statuses interacting freely. Any two men who interact regularly soon become soulmates. They can spend hours discussing nothing in particular. They can also keep each other’s deep dark secrets. They can do all this without even knowing each other’s second name. Women on the other hand, conduct the kind of vetting that is akin to a senior management job interview. By the time they shake hands the first time, they know enough about each other to put one in jail. However, when all is said and done, women rarely make friends with people who are not in their social class.

There has never been a way in which women can have anything in common across the social classes until now! There is a particular shoe that entered the market a few years ago and it has taken the fashionosphere by storm. It is a plastic shoe of the Sandak brand made by bata and any woman worth her salt (or lack thereof) has a pair. The shoe is locally referred to as Sandak Kichungi which simply means the Sandak sieve. It is so called due to its meshed plastic upper that looks remarkably like a sieve.

The interesting thing about Sandak Kichungi is that it an all-plastic shoe moulded as one piece. It reminds

me of the time I was in primary school. Previously I used to wear rubber shoes because my mother would never agree for me to walk barefoot like other kids. Later in the mid 80s, the Bata shoe company introduced a whole range of plastic shoes. Every style from pumps to brogues was represented. My choice, of course, was sneakers. Each new pair would last me from a few months to one year before it cracked right through.

Sandak shoes in those days were worn by the poor and so were only found in the rural areas of the kind I grew up in. I don't know when the shift happened until now when pairs of the humble kichungi sandaks are to be found in homes of the most affluent members of our society. The kichungi, fashioned from the ballet shoe concept, has transcended all social classes. It has in a very true sense brought the women of this country together. I think it is what would have been needed to complete the look of the now defunct national dress.

For the first time in history, women seem to be ahead of men in unity. I hear some men saying that football brings them together. This is however not entirely true since it only applies to those who support the same team.

As a sign of affection, every man should buy his woman a pair of kichungis. He however needs to keep her happy or else she might decide to use the shoes for their other purpose - as a sieve. If that happens, he shouldn't be surprised if the soup served to him has the peculiar smell of dirty feet.

Monarchy to Avert Anarchy

Swaziland is Africa’s only absolute monarchy. King Mswati the 3^rd, who ascended the throne in 1986, holds absolute executive power over State and Government. Examples of other absolute monarchies around the world include; Qatar, United Arab Emirates, Brunei, Andorra, and Oman. Vatican City, the world’s smallest state, is also considered to be a form of a monarchy under the sitting Pope who holds full power over everything although he is usually elected by the Conclave of Cardinals.

With the exception of Swaziland, all the other monarchies are economically prosperous. All of them have also been peaceful with no civil unrest in recent history. This leads me to think that maybe adopting a monarchical system of government would help to solve most of the problems associated with democracy. Before you leave in anger, let me explain why I think things are not working, especially in Africa, and particularly in Kenya.

Dysfunctional Democracy

I have written on this blog before that Kenyans were not ready for democracy (http://thelaymanspoint.blogspot.co.ke/2015/05/kenyans-are-not-ready-for-democracy.html). Our version of democracy is obviously not working. Instead of enhancing our sense of oneness as a country, it has made most of us retreat into our congested tribal cocoons. It is at this point that some of you refer to my surname so as to know how it ‘betrays’ me. It is true that the Layman also belongs to a tribe (with a big and cosy cocoon, I might add). That I don’t retreat into my tribal cocoon is a matter of personal choice because I believe it is possible for all of us to collectively build our nation for our good and that of our children. This function of democracy however, is not working.

Useless Elections

We have a reprieve from the anti-IEBC protests today. This, we are told, is to ostensibly give dialogue a chance. Our previously beloved (but now loathed) Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission is fighting for survival. It reminds me of another commission which lost its battle for existence. My Identity Card still has the seal of the Electoral Commission of Kenya (ECK), still embossed on it. The people who fought for the removal of the ECK are the same ones who have declared that IEBC must go. They promised us that IEBC would be fool-proof, apparently because of the word “Independent” in the name. It turns out it was not so “Independent” after all.

Since I attained voting age, it seems to me that every subsequent election brings more discord into the country than the previous one. In the five years between elections, politicians spend at least 80% of their time strategising on the next one. The term “election mode” has become ambiguous owing to the fact that it is now a permanent status unrelated to the election calendar.

Widespread Greed

One of the ‘fruits’ of our democracy is the decentralisation of greed. Anybody can now afford to be greedy. Opportunities for exercising that greed are everywhere, even in the most ‘insignificant’ county. From what I have read in the history of monarchies, this was not possible. Every single coin intended for the royal coffers somehow found its way there – even if it meant somebody losing their head, quite literally!

The Masses to Concentrate on Wealth Creation

If CORD had not called off its protests today, thousands of people across the country would have been busy chanting, “IEBC must go!” throwing stones at the police, and inhaling painful lungful’s of tear gas. Now they will have to go to their farms or businesses and do something useful with their day. If Kenya was a monarchy, that rare situation of people working during the day and sleeping soundly at night because of tiredness would be the order of the day. Anybody suicidal enough to engage in anything other than wealth creation would face the gallows.

Centralised Responsibility

Democracy encourages collective responsibility. This looks good on paper but is used by evil people to hide their vices. Even the business world shuns collective responsibility of decisions. Only the chief decision maker can be held to account if something goes wrong. This is not the case with a democratic government. It is for this reason that we hear of serious scandals involving billions of shillings and yet nobody is in jail; neither has any of the money been recovered. In a monarchy, the King is responsible for all decisions and you will never hear him passing blame for even the most serious problem.

Honing the Leadership skills of the Ruling Class

As it is now, any Layman can become a leader. This creates the problem of lack of leadership skills. In monarchies, members of the royal family are prepared for leadership from the time they are born. They are therefore able to rule effortlessly and inspire confidence in their subjects thus improving the atmosphere of the entire country and enhancing productivity and peace.

P.S. If we are to go the monarchy route, I suggest we pick the royal family from among one of those tiny tribes in order to create some balance and convince some communities that leadership is not their birthright.

Caveat Emptor

When I was in primary school, we used to be given milk by the government. It was popularly referred to as “maziwa ya nyayo” (meaning Nyayo’s milk). This was in honour of Former President Moi (who introduced the milk). He was code-named Nyayo which is Swahili for footprints because he had claimed to be following the footsteps of Kenya’s first President Jomo Kenyatta.

The milk of choice for the government was UHT (ultra-heat treated) since it was long lasting and did not require refrigeration. This was perfect because in those days (and even today), it would have been impossible for any school to have the facilities for refrigerating that much milk. Further to its long shelf life, UHT milk was also ultra-delicious and we developed a deep liking for it to the extent of dancing around the truck that delivered it every week.

Initially, each of us used to get a packet of milk every week. However, some years after the project had started and had been running smoothly, a rumour started around the villages in Central Kenya. People were saying that since President Moi hated the Kikuyu community so much, he had come up with a permanent depopulation agenda. It was widely believed that he had instructed the Kenya Cooperative Creameries (the suppliers of the milk) to lace it with contraceptives so that ours would be the last generation of Kikuyus in existence.

What had started as a whispered rumour spread widely and many mothers then (most of them completely illiterate), forbid their children from taking the milk. My mother, who was a teacher, knew the story was false so she encouraged me to continue taking the milk. Only I and two other boys from my class were taking the milk and so we would pick a full crate every day and take six packets each since the supply was still constant.

Needless to say, we did not get sterile and all three of us later got families and children of our own. I was reminded of this story when two weeks ago I heard a rumour on social media that Brookside milk being sold in certain parts of the country was laced with contraceptives. I thought to myself; History really does repeat itself.

Tribal Stereotypes

When I was growing up in that small village in Central Kenya, I had a skewed view of the different communities in Kenya. This view had been nurtured through stories passed down through the generations. Later when I lived first in Kisumu and then Eldoret, I got to relate with people from different communities and I realised that most stereotypes are based on falsehood and insecurity. I would therefore warn you to beware what other people (particularly politicians) sell you concerning different communities.

Overstating/Understating the Economy

It is true that our economy has grown. However, it is also true that there are very many things that are going wrong with the economy, chief among them; the debilitating effects of corruption. Beware of government statistical ‘evidence’ of a booming economy. On the flipside, beware of the opposition ‘evidence’ of a failed state.

God Almighty

The church in Kenya has succeeded in forcing the Attorney General to reverse the license granted to Atheists in Kenya Society to have a widely publicised party. The church is reacting to the registration of Atheists and it is telling us that we have a serious problem in our midst. Beware of the sins being covered by the Clergy as they divert our attention to people of other religions.

The Death of Wisdom and Discernment

It is surprising that ours being the generation living during the information age, is also the most ignorant and uninformed. It is shocking that in this day and age, well-educated people can listen attentively to someone in the form of a politician or pastor who cannot possibly know anything, and follow him blindly. It makes you wonder, why go to all the trouble of education and regular instruction, only to dump it and take trash from someone who is there just to make money and fame out of you.

I know I am only a Layman but I cannot agree to be foolishly gullible. I have to take care of my family, money, and reputation. I will not buy into the lies people are being fed. I choose to be safe. I also ask you my fellow Laymen and women (particularly during this campaign period) to exercise one thing – Caveat Emptor (Latin for ‘Buyer Beware!’)

Outliving Your Welcome

I was cruising on the loose sand at a speed of 80 kilometres per hour. Dusk was fast approaching and I wanted to reach Garissa town, a 100 kilometres away, before darkness fell. I was relatively confident in myself and the car, a Nissan Patrol, since I had driven the same road that morning. I was shaken out of my reverie when I realised the car was in the air. We had hit a wide drift whose culverts had been washed away by heavy floods leaving only two at the ends. It was the first one we had hit. We landed heavily on the river bed and before we could make recollections of what was happening, we hit the other remaining culvert on our way out.

It was fortunate that the car didn’t overturn or otherwise lose control. It was however enough to give a few of my passengers some painful bumps on their heads. It also made me realise that that English is not the mother tongue in Scotland. You see, I had this Scottish man in the car, an expert in relief work, and he cursed in his vernacular which as I have just stated, is not English.

We were coming from the Dadaab refugee camp. It was at a time when the organisation I worked for wanted to venture into relief work. Although it eventually didn’t do so, it afforded me the opportunity to see thousands of refugees, mainly from Somali, enjoying some semblance of peace and order away from the bloody fighting in their country.

The Government has this week stated in no uncertain terms that residents in the world’s biggest refugee camp have outlived their welcome. It therefore wants them to go back home and it says whether it is safe to do so or not is none of its business. It is saying that we have enough problems of our own without carrying those of our warlike neighbours.

IDPs

Closer home, figuratively at least, the government recently claimed that it has resettled the last of the Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) and officially closed all the camps. Some of the IDPs are however still claiming that the government has not resettled or compensated them as it had promised. This is happening at a time when we are approaching the third election after the one which caused their displacement. Although I am a Layman when it comes to matters of conflict resolution, I can offer the IDPs some free advice. Deal with the fact that the current government is not going to do anything about your situation until after the elections.

Condemned Buildings

Occupants of all buildings with the ‘cross of condemnation’ marked on them have to move out. Their honeymoon of living in cheap houses in Nairobi is over. They have been given (at least some of them) deposit and first month rent to seek alternative accommodation. They have also been given money to buy school uniforms for their children so, according to the government; they have no excuse for extending their welcome on the river banks in Huruma.

Assassinations

This last week we woke up to the shocking news of the assassination of one Jacob Juma. When I first heard it I thought the News anchor had just said that Jacob Zuma had just been killed in Nairobi (don’t ask!). Anyhow, it was really sad especially for his family and friends. It turns out that the guy was rather outspoken and never one to shy away from controversy. I guess you never become that rich by being a coward. Apparently, he outlived his welcome under this warm African sun by stepping on toes belonging to very important people and as they say, the rest is history.

US Immigrants

The assumptive Republican Party nominee in the United States of America presidential elections has stated that should he get elected, it will signal the end of the welcome for all kinds of immigrants to America. Donald Trump – he of the “You’re Fired!” fame – has said that Mexicans, Muslims, and Africans (and in particular, Kenyans) will have no room in the land of opportunity. According to Trump, America belongs to Americans alone (whoever they might be) and any Mexicans wanting to move there will have to scale the massive wall that he intends to put up between the two countries once he is in power.

Woes of a Reactive Society

How to Kill an Elephant
The methods of killing an elephant vary depending on who you are, what you have, and your reason for wanting the elephant dead. If you are a Kalahari Bushman, you are probably killing an elephant for meat and you have with you a short stabbing spear. You will be short enough to stand under the elephant while ensuring that it doesn’t detect your scent. You can then easily drive your spear through its soft underbelly and trail it for days as you wait for it to bleed out.

If you are a sadistic African poacher without many resources, you will pour copious amounts of potent poison in the watering hole where the elephant drinks from. After only a few days of waiting, you will not only have a dead family of elephants, but also rhinos, lions, hyenas, baboons, zebras, and any other animal unfortunate enough to drink there.

If you are a nice African poacher with a generous sponsor, you will shoot the elephant with a high calibre rifle. You will have tracked the animal for weeks to establish that it is an old solitary male who would be dead anyway in a few years even without you shooting it down. You will go for either a brain, heart, or lung shot, to minimise the suffering of the gentle giant before it dies. In another life you would be a legal hunter (if it was allowed in your country) and so you believe in all the honour ‘shit’ (pardon my French) that exists between hunters and their quarry.

How you extract the ivory from the dead elephant is a long and complex story for another day. I will not get into that right now.

Moral of the Story

I know by now you are wondering why the Layman has all of a sudden become an expert hunting consultant. Wonder no more. It is the ivory burning activity last week that has me all fired up. I don’t have an opinion on whether burning the ivory was the best way to make a statement to

poachers.  I however have an opinion on whether we should have waited for the poachers to use some of the methods outlined above before making our move.

Under normal circumstances, if one has to stop an illegal trade, the best place to start is at the source of the goods. This is the reason why we don’t stop mobile phone theft by burning all the sets that have been recovered from thieves. In other words, we don’t react to theft after it has already happened but rather, we try to stop it from happening. That is the best way to stop any illegal trade.

Prevention Is Better Than Cure

Contrary to popular belief, it is not the invention of vaccines that stopped most of the disease epidemics in the modern world. It is the implementation of proper hygiene with the major highlight of development of sewerage systems. It is therefore easier for us to prevent the onset of disease instead of treating it after it has already set in otherwise, we will continue trying to deal with preventable-disease outbreaks.

A Government that Constantly Reacts to the Opposition

Our government, or any other government for that matter, is elected on the premise of the pledges it made during campaigns. The government however seems to answer to every whim of the opposition, almost to the point of being painfully defensive. That is the reason supporters considered it a great achievement for no one to mention the opposition during the Afraha (Nakuru) prayers.

An Opposition that Revels in Whistle Blowing

It is true that whistle blowing is one of the mandates of the opposition. However, it is just one of the many responsibilities a strong opposition is supposed to have. Our opposition revels in pointing out the mistakes of the government after they happen without being proactive and raising issues early enough before they go wrong.

Forensic Audit

Auditors are supposed to be our friends, but they rarely are. An auditor once explained to me what an audit is supposed to achieve. He told me that an auditor finds out loopholes and weaknesses in systems and gives recommendations in order to stop errors from occurring. In Kenya, we now have a commonly used term; Forensic Audit. As the name implies, a forensic audit unearths mistakes and fraud that have already happened at some point in the past, and explains how they happened. A strong forensic audit system reflects a society that lives in the past without necessarily avoiding future pitfalls.

Commissions of Inquiry

The number of commissions of inquiry into past events in this country is staggering. Most of their findings are never made public meaning that, no lessons will be learnt and similar mistakes will not be avoided in future. If you ask me, we should replace commissions of inquiry with Professional Think-Tanks which are future (as opposed to past) oriented.

Flooding and Collapsed Buildings

The weatherman warned us of flooding but we didn’t take heed. Now we are acting all surprised that the rain is heavier than normal. It is actually so heavy that it is leading to the collapse of buildings. No wait! The buildings had actually been condemned. It was reported that the one which collapsed in Huruma (Nairobi) even had a ‘cross of condemnation’ but the owner ‘conveniently’ covered it up. Now that people have died in it, we are going to have a commission of inquiry (refer above).

But hey! don’t mind me, I am only a Layman. What do I know about these complicated issues of keeping promises and being prepared?