The Power of No

I was raised and conditioned to always be positive. I have been trained to always expect the best in life. I have however not been alone in being fed with this ‘goodness’ philosophy. This has actually been the dominant belief of our generation. Throughout school and at work, we are constantly reminded that we attract what we are and so we are told to confess the positive. We are even encouraged to ‘fake it till we make it’.

While the above reasoning works in the majority of times, sometimes it fails. When it does, it finds us largely unprepared simply because we didn’t make any allowance for failure. For many of us, the word “No” does not exist in our dictionaries. We can take any answer that begins with a “Yes” to any of our demands, but we cannot take “No” if our lives depended on it. People who graciously take “No” for an answer are considered retrogressive and even stupid.

It has been proven time and again that men and women usually date for different reasons. When a man wants to move the relationship to the next level, a woman is advised to say “No” if she is not ready. This is one scenario where men are advised to accept a “No” response. Men have however often asserted that women don’t mean “No”. Campaigns have been initiated to convince men that when women say “No”, it means exactly that, “No”. This is one “No” that would have kept some men out of prison for rape; if only they would have known the power it contained.

The high rate of joblessness has led to desperation amongst job seekers. A “No” after a job interview is something only the strongest among us can handle. People are ready to do anything to avert a possible “No” in a job quest. Bribery and sexual favours are just some of the many things some people would do just to avoid one word; “No!”

We are told that when we pray to God, we should expect one of three answers; Yes, No, or Later. “Yes” and “Later” are acceptable to everyone. “No”, on the other hand, is to most people, inapplicable and non-existent. This is all thanks to the negative publicity given to the “No” response. Some people are ready to restrict even God in the use of the word “No”.

Obesity is on the rise today. This is not because there is more food to eat. It is because many people cannot say “No” to an extra chapatti or piece of meat. A generation of no “No” is slowly but surely adding on the kilos. I guess this is because in African culture, it is considered impolite to say “No” to an offer of food that a host has gone to great pains to prepare for you.

Campaigning for elections entails convincing voters to say “Yes” to you and “No” to your opponents. Accepting the “Yes” verdict is easy since it involves celebration and colourful acceptance speeches. Accepting a “No” verdict on the other hand is something many electoral contestants are not willing to do. Painful concession speeches are not easy, especially for ego-filled politicians. Most politicians who lose elections on this continent do not give speeches; they give threats about going either to the courts or the streets.

People who live by strong principles often find themselves having to make tough choices. Due to their usually high positions of power and influence, deviant people try to make them bend their stance a little so as to get some small mutual benefit. In order to retain their high reputation, these people have to say “No” to such demands. This is one of the hardest “No’s” that one can make because it is often made under extreme pressure.

The life of a Layman is littered with cross-roads requiring a decision of one kind or the other. In some instances, one is required to go with flow. In other cases, particularly where a decision one way or the other is critical, personal conviction and common sense is the best way to go. It is therefore important for one to say “No” when a “No” is the best answer. It is also crucial that in our interactions with each other, we learn to accept a “No” answer. After all, there are few things in the World as powerful as a timely “No”