Made Up of Make-Up

A Scary Encounter

My first encounter with make-up was traumatic. There was this female colleague whom I regarded as a sister. On one particular morning as I greeted her, I noticed a small white speck on her cheek. Being the good brother that I was, I pointed it out to her and offered to remove it. She was grateful for my concern and waited as I attempted to swipe the speck away with the tip of my finger. It turned out to be rather stubborn and so I employed the technique my mum used to apply on us when removing dried scat from around our noses when we were small. I tried to scrape the speck gently with my finger nail. As I looked closely to confirm my progress, I was aghast at what I saw.

The speck was not moving. Instead, the skin around it was peeling off. With my heart pounding, I checked to see if what I expected was happening; my sister wincing in pain. I was surprised to see her still smiling sweetly and totally relaxed. “Has it come off?” she asked. “Yes”, I lied. By now I had realised that what I had assumed to be skin was actually a layer of make-up and I had not raptured any arteries or nerves. The speck that had been the subject of my brotherly concern turned out to be a tip of a major ‘ice berg’ buried under layers of make-up. With shaking fingers, I patted the peel of ‘skin’ back into place as best as I could under the circumstances. From that day, I swore never to touch any woman’s face apart from my wife’s.

Alternative Skin

I have since learnt that make-up for women is serious business. The skin colour and texture that we see on modern women is often not an outcome of creation or evolution. It is the result of expert hours spent in dingy cosmetic laboratories. The results from the laboratory are then taken through hard working machines in factories, and distributed on an international supply chain so as to reach every cosmetic shop in all corners of the globe. I hear that it is now possible for a woman to decide what part of the world she wants to look like she comes from.

Aspiring Caucasian

There appears to be a consensus among our women that the most beautiful kind of person is a Caucasian. When Vera Sidika (our very own socialite) bleached her skin, it was said that she was aspiring to be Caucasian. In the end, she did get the skin colour of a Caucasian. She however forgot that there are other features that cannot be ‘Caucasianised’ so easily, such as African noses and foreheads.

Drawn-on Eye Brows

I was surprised to hear and later see some women (and lately men too) shaving off their eye brows, then drawing them back again with some kind of a special pen (or is it pencil?). I have seen various versions of these drawn-on eyebrows and I am more confused than ever. Some look odd, some awkward, others scary, but all of them look bad (to me). There are many variations of themes achieved by the fake brows. These include oriental, pointed, and ‘concerned’ look. What I am certain of is that the artistic eye brows do not achieve nature’s intended purpose of real eye brows; guttering water away from the eyes.

Stick-On Eye Lashes

Still on the eyes, it is nowadays not enough to paint eye brows. Women now buy and stick on eye lashes, again with varying themes. These fake eye lashes are usually longer and more elaborately curved. They give the impression of fluttering butterflies whenever the wearer blinks (which is often more than the normal average). Just like with the shapes, the lashes also come in many different colours (probably to enable matching with the clothing colour scheme of the day).

Fake Nails

I have learnt that the kinds of finger nails women consider beautiful are long and narrow. If nature has only bestowed upon one, only chubby fingers with short splitting nails, then something has to be done. It is now possible (and common) for women to purchase nails over the counter and stick them over their deficient natural ones. The fake nails are supplied ‘ready to use’ and even have the required shade of nail varnish and art pre-applied in the factory.

Hair Extensions (and the Indomitable Weaves)

It seems that our women are worried about the length of their hair to the extent that a big number of them opt to use extensions. This, I guess, is to give them the ability to flick their heads when the ‘hair’ gets into the face – just like in the movies. About weaves; so much has been said (most of it emotive) but no consensus has been reached. I don’t want to give my opinion on weaves but what I know with certainty is that they are here to stay.

Lip Stick (is it still called that?)

There seems to be a revival in the use of lip stick. For a good many years, we have been seeing our women applying the only the modest lip balm (although applied copiously). It however appears that those modest days are over. The lip stick being used today is no longer of shades that go with a person’s skin tone. On the contrary, what we are seeing is an explosion of colour. Women are applying lip stick with screaming colour such that when you meet with her, you only notice the woman behind the lipstick much later. Some of the shades can even glow in the dark (I think).

P.S. I hope this revival of make-up is not on the account of men. Many men, myself included, do not like a woman who is over-made-up.