My Rich Uncle
Everyone in
rural Kenya has a rich uncle in the city. I also had one when I was young. It’s
not that we were poor as a family. It’s only that cool things were seen in the
city years before we saw them in the village. My first time to see a TV,
fridge, or a car with a floor shift was at my uncle’s place. It was also where
I first tasted a sausage and popcorn. My uncle’s name was Sam, just like our
favourite uncle as a Country.
Installing Democracy
The United
States of America is the only remaining super power and, naturally, the big
brother that the rest of the world looks up to. In Africa, we more than just
look up to the US. We want to become just like them and we are doing all we can
to achieve that. Some countries like Kenya are way ahead of their neighbours in
their efforts to Americanize. America has been on a democratization spree with
our own African states of Libya and Egypt bearing the brunt. To match that, we
have done our part in emulating the same with Somali.
Huduma Namba
The current
government campaign to get people to register for huduma number is the latest effort in matching up to America. From
all aspects, it resembles the social security number without which you are a
nobody in the US. Once our huduma system
is fully up and running, we shall not be able to buy or sell property, get a
driving licence or passport, or even operate a bank account.
Home Ownership
There is a
new craze in Kenya. Everyone wants to own a house. Land buying companies are
acquiring big chunks of land on behalf of their faithful contributing members.
They are then chopping them up into miniature plots and allocating them to
their excited shareholders. Each of these new land owners will borrow from all
and sundry to put up a structure with the saying, “Nothing is as special as
owning the roof that is suspended over your head”. It might sound unreasonable,
even crazy, to sink into lifetime debt just to own a house but then; Americans
are doing it so it can’t be wrong, although it greatly contributed to the
famous credit crunch.
Credit Card
The credit
card is one popular American fad that has not caught on extensively in Kenya.
However, we have our own home-grown version. It is now possible to spend money
today that you will earn next week, next month, or even in the coming year.
This is thanks to the myriad money lending apps, self help groups, and flexible
bank credit products.
Majimbo
The Kenyan federal
system of government, majimbo in Swahili, is almost identical to the one in use
in the US. Just like America, we have a President, Governors, and Senators, and
many other office holders whose exact roles are not immediately obvious. Save
for a few minor differences, the Kenyan system is just like the American one.
After more than two decades of activism, we have a system similar to our big
brother’s.
Status Galore
Be it bling
bling, big cars, and loud music, everything in our lifestyle is changing
towards American status symbolism. Every Kenyan worth his or her salt has
several social media accounts. Facebook is where we showcase our achievements
and seek for fame and sympathy. We use Instagram to floss our fashion sense (or
lack thereof) and flash our colours. Following in the footsteps of none other
than the President of the US, we use Twitter to bash our critics and express
unfavourable opinions on various matters. There is even a big community of
Kenyans referred to as KOT (Kenyans on Twitter) whose threads on every topic
can be seen turning viral online every other day.
The Chinese Connection
A few years
ago, ‘self-respecting’ Kenyans could not be caught dead with Chinese products.
They were considered fake and unsuitable for people who understand quality and
the finer things in life. When the US decided to move manufacturing of their
biggest brands to mass production factories in China, we changed tune. Now
nobody complains about their Chinese made iPhones or 3D TVs. We have even gone
further to get funding for all our fancy toys (such as trains and roads) from
China so that we can be developed just like rich Uncle Sam.
