Thursday, 13 August 2015

Fortune Telling Repackaged for the Modern World



It is common for people to try and get an idea of what the future will be like. Many just ignore this urge but some use various methods to predict what destiny has in store for them in the coming hours, days, months, or even years. Those who claim to be able to predict the future have a ready market for their services.

Astrology
I was introduced to astrology by my mum. Now, don’t start getting excited, she was not an astrologer. Neither was she a witch or fortune teller. She was an ordinary lady, a teacher, no less. She, like many other people then, and now, would religiously read the horoscope section of the newspapers and magazines. She used to relate our (my siblings and I) temperaments to our respective zodiac signs.

For those who may not be familiar with what I am talking about, the zodiac is a series of 12 constellations (groups of stars) that hover above the equator. The story is that someone’s star is that represented by the constellation that is visible when they are born. My star is Libra and it symbolized by a weighing scale. My big brother’s star is Leo whose symbol is a lion.

Two of my sisters, one elder and one younger, share a star, Taurus, whose symbol my mum used to say is the head of a buffalo, but am not so sure anymore. I think it’s a cow. The two sisters have a rather sensitive temperament which our mother associated with the buffalo’s. You can therefore see am an “expert Layman” in matters astrology.

Witchcraft
Witchcraft is alive and kicking in this country. Signs have been put up on electricity poles in almost all estates and villages across the country. People in my village had been rather conservative until a witch doctor set up shop there. Everybody was up in arms and they stormed there one morning with the intention of evicting him. He disarmed them by threatening to name those among them who had been seeking his services. That was enough to disperse the group and leave the “good” doctor to his devices since they didn’t want names to be named.

My first encounter with a witch doctor happened at the time when I was a taxi driver. I had to take a client to a small village in Matuu, many kilometres from Nairobi, to visit a witch doctor. The wife of my client was crippled and a friend had told them of a witch doctor who could tell them what had caused the problem, and also recommend a solution. I had shared the full story before here; http://acabdriverstory.blogspot.co.ke/2013/04/a-visit-to-witch-doctor.html.

Chain Letters
The first time I received a chain letter, I was really scared because I believed everything it said. It was purportedly initiated by someone known as St. Jude and it promised great misfortune if I didn’t sent it to at least 20 people. That time I was still in school and I assume whoever sent the letter got my address from the newspaper’s pen pal section where I had posted it. I never got to send the letters as instructed since I could not afford the stamps and neither could I get enough anonymous addresses to send it to. Anyhow, no misfortune befell me that I could directly attribute to my “disobedience”.

Nowadays I receive a lot of chain letters but they don’t scare me anymore. Instead, they irritate me. I consider them to have been initiated by very idle people who want to increase internet traffic to their pages and profiles. I therefore simply ignore demands by anyone telling me to forward some prayer or other message and get blessed within two hours. I think that is all hogwash but then that is just my opinion.

Excuse for Laziness
This entire search for answers about the future to me is just an excuse for people who do not want to do what is required of them. Students want to pass exams without studying by hoping they can know upfront what will be in the exam. Women want to get husbands without getting out there and socialising like normal human beings and going through the selection, courtship, engagement, and marriage process.

It was once claimed that football teams in Africa spend more money on their witch doctors than on the coaches. They believe more in fortune telling than in practice and preparation. I wonder why they don’t defeat teams from the West.

The Big Hoax
When I started writing articles, someone introduced me to a weird niche which pays quite well. It was to do with writing horoscope messages and answering readers’ letters on matters concerning their future. I used to think only expert fortune tellers could know about the future. I was told I could write anything as long as it’s positive and gives the reader hope. I declined due to conflicts with my conscience. I could not imagine some poor soul waiting to hear from me before they could plan their day not knowing it was all a big hoax.

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