Political Lessons in Football

I am not an avid fan of football. However, for the sake of peace with friends, I purport to support Arsenal. This gives me the opportunity to have a downcast face whenever Arsenal loses (which is often). I am then able to steer clear of advanced football discussions on which I have not the faintest understanding. My less than enthusiastic interest in football notwithstanding, I still find it to be an exciting game. By observing friends who are die-hard football fans, and reading a bit about the Premier League, I have noted several ways in which our politics could benefit with lessons drawn from football.

Loyalty

I have never seen or heard of an Arsenal supporter shift to Manchester United and vice-versa. This is despite how many games one’s team loses or how much humiliation is administered by haters. Kenyan politics on the other hand, is a different ball game (pun fully intended). The recent nomination process has resulted in an ‘Independent’ movement which is, for all means and purposes, a fully fledged political party. We can greatly improve our politics by maintaining loyalty to our parties in whatever circumstances.

Painstakingly Slow, but Sure, Growth

Arsenal (the club I purport to support), was founded in 1886 by a group of workers making armaments (weapons) in Woolwich. It later turned professional but retained the name Arsenal (which means a collection of weapons). Manchester United (our main rival), was formed in 1878. Most of the clubs in the Premier League are more than a hundred years old. They have developed slowly over the decades to be among the top in the world today. Their clinical and superb moves on the pitch have taken several generations to perfect. If only our political parties lasted long enough to say “KANU” before they are disbanded and merged with other opportunists, we would be far ahead.

Economic Sense

Barclays Bank has been paying about £40 Million per year to sponsor the league. It might be paying less now but the difference (and more) is covered by other sponsors such as Nike. Clubs have been spending an average of about £10 Million per player transfer and collectively using well over £1 Billion in a single season. These football clubs and their sponsors are not just breaking-even; they are minting ridiculously high amounts of money for their shareholders. Unlike our political parties, they don’t have to hold Ksh. 1 Million a plate dinners to raise funds (as we are bound to start seeing soon).

Transparency

The collection of political party nominations ‘sore losers’, wearing white, was quite a sight to behold. They must have surprised their former party leaders who only got to see them on TV asking to be heard because ostensibly, they command some serious votes. Their transfer to the ‘Independent Party of Kenya’ was done secretly. I wish they would have done it the football way and did their transfer to the new ‘party’ transparently. Someone might even have been inspired to donate a few coins to pay for them and their ‘followers’, just like in football.

Foreigners

I listened to a news item some weeks back on the closure of Jubilee nominations in Kiambu. A Luo guy (considered a foreigner in the area) had clinched the nomination for Member of County Assembly in a predominantly Kikuyu area. This was in the news because it is as rare as Halley’s Comet. In the Premier League, almost half of players and managers are foreign. Some of the teams have even been known to field entirely foreign players in certain games. ‘Our’ manager, Arséne Wenger, is actually French while Chelsea’s José Mourinho is Portuguese. No English manager led team has ever won the Premier League. All wins have been by foreigners. Unlike in Kenyan politics, the world of football does not care where you come from as long as you deliver.

Practice Session

Probably the only real practice session for Presidential Candidates this year will be the 18 candidate debate. Any other practice will have to be done on the job. I have also come to realise that we treat football like politics and that is why our teams and leagues are forever struggling. I hope and pray that we change for the better.

Behind the Facade of Image

I love watching movies. I especially like the ones set in a different era. This is because they allow me to picture how life was during a time many decades, or even centuries, before I was born. Being a writer, I am also fascinated by the story lines. I am amazed particularly by fiction writers who pen the scripts on which movies are based. However, I am not lost to the fact that these stories are just that, stories. Although some are quite realistic, many are far-fetched and I only watch them for the entertainment they provide.

Besides writers, I admire the actors who bring these stories to life. Talented actors make these stories appear extremely believable. I appreciate the many other people who are involved in the making of a single movie. The accolades that appear after most Hollywood movies require the playback of three of four songs just to scroll through. I am happy in the knowledge that one movie employs dozens of people, often for months on end.

 

The one thing in movies I don’t like is the fact that it’s all made up. Some of the streets from an 1880s western don’t even exist. What I could be seeing on screen are just painted cardboard facades propped up with poles from behind. Thanks to modern cinematography techniques, the actions and scenes appear real. Unfortunately, facades are no longer restricted to movie sets. People are nowadays living fake lives with many problems hidden under various props.

Collapsing Companies

In recent years, Kenyans have witnessed the collapse of big companies which had hitherto appeared to be doing well. Companies such as Uchumi supermarkets, Kenya Airways, and more recently, Nakumatt supermarkets, have undergone dire straits in periods immediately following ambitious growth and expansions. It is then obvious that these, and many other companies, are more concerned with image than actual financial well-being. It is doubly sad that most of the collapsing organisations are state and public owned making their poor performance widely felt.

Non-Performing Government

Still on public bodies, the government itself does not seem to be doing too well. The highly publicised and expensive projects conceal a not so glorious background. The government in unveiling grand projects such as the Standard Gauge Railway, does not reveal the level of indebtedness they have sunk us to. Neither does it reveal the decades’ long commitments that involve billions in debt recovery and interest that these projects entail. These payments will be made whether or not the project is profitable. In the name of image, we now have a brand new, debt funded, railway in addition to an old one which could not be run efficiently even though it had already been fully paid for.

Opportunist-Encumbered Opposition

The opposition, just like the government, is also sorely bothered by image. From where I sit, only one person in the opposition appears to have a vision for the country. The rest are merely riding the wave in the hope of crumbs of power falling into their blubber-endowed laps. These newly ordained angels have no qualms about pointing the ills ailing our country even though they were all sitting pretty in a dictatorial government until one Joshua came and plucked them out. They are convinced that if their personal image improves, then somehow that of the entire country will follow suit.

Social Media Relationships

It is possible in this day and age, to meet, date, marry, have children, grow old together, die, and get buried on Facebook. It is for this reason therefore that updating one’s social media status is as important as life itself. What a person is going through in real life is not as important as the image he or she portrays on Instagram. It’s all about image. A social media footprint is so critical even for companies and organisations that there is a new industry of people specialising in it.

Award Winning Parenting

Relationships between parents and children are no longer important. What is crucial is how external observers perceive them to be. Students becoming number one is more important than pursuing their passions in life. They can use any method to come out on top, including paying to see the questions upfront. The parents on their part are standing fully behind their ‘ambitious’ children to ensure that this objective is met. They are therefore ready, cheque books in hand, all set to bankroll the entire operation. After all, Image is everything.

Fashion Sense (or Lack Thereof)

When it comes to dressing, nothing is out of bounds, including nothing, as a form of fashion. Form-fitting curve-accentuating outfits are all the rage. It is all about appreciating your ‘strongholds’ by revealing them because after all, why did God give them to you. Fashion designers are not there just to fulfil a basic human need for clothing. They are required for a new kind of basic human need; the need for an image that stands out in the midst of ‘mediocrity’. I wonder what hides behind the facade of image.

Where Did The Love Go?

The Centre Piece of Religion

All the world’s religions claim that love is at the centre of all they practice and the reason for their existence. They have developed teachings whose very foundation is love for their God and for one another. Their every activity is carried out so as to propagate that love within whose foundation their lives are built on.

The Assumption of Law

The Law of the land is based on an assumption that people should love one another. Those who do unloving things to others are punished. Everything in law presupposes that there is sufficient affection between human beings to enable harmony in society. With the current state of affairs however, the law is becoming more difficult to enforce owing to a severe shortage of love.

Hatred – The Opposite of Love

Love has largely been replaced by hatred among people. While love is a feeling of deep affection, hatred is an intense dislike. In a generation where previously normal things are replaced by their unlikely opposites, love has given way to hatred, with worrying effects. What would have embarrassed anyone to admit is now expressed confidently. It is no longer awkward for one person to vividly express his or her hatred for another. This worrying phenomenon is being observed everywhere.

Crime

When I was growing up, the main form of crime we experienced was burglary. Some hungry kid from the neighbourhood would break into (or walk in because they were rarely locked anyway) the small outdoor kitchen and steal a sufuria or pot with cooked food. Armed robbery as is common now was virtually unheard of. It was impossible to hear of people getting killed by criminals on national news. That was then. Currently, hardly a day passes without news of armed robberies, murders, and kidnappings ‘gracing’ our screens.

Divorce

Divorce lawyers seem to have more business than marriage counsellors. More importance appears to be attached to the death of love than that applied to working on reconciliations. It is almost ‘cool’ to be divorced and people who are in their second or third marriage are considered more experienced in life. They become mentors to younger people and a new generation of ‘love thrashers’ is inducted.

Corruption

It takes an unusually high degree of hatred towards fellow mankind for one man to line his pockets with money meant to improve the lives of millions (him included). It is also disheartening to see all the money previously looted from public coffers through mega scandals being dished out to poor people (to whom it actually belongs) in an effort to woo them to vote for the same thieves who stole the money in the first place. Corruption is one of the most obvious indicators of the death of love in this country.

Tribalism

I have heard people say that inasmuch as their kinsmen in power are bad leaders, they can’t vote for so-and-so because he is from the ‘wrong’ tribe. They would rather sink further into destitution than support a generational ‘sworn’ enemy of another (lesser) tribe. So much hatred has been propagated against different tribes, particularly the larger ones, in Kenya. This hatred has given rise to illogical stereotypes and senseless jibes between people from different tribes.

Humans – The Beings of Love

Life is almost unbearable in our generation because we have given up that which makes us human; Love. Human beings are social animals and as such, are unable to exist in isolation from each other. However, a shortage of love has led to the straining of most relationships between people. When people commit atrocities against each other, we say they are behaving like animals. On closer observation though, it becomes apparent that they are worse than animals. They possess motives that are not seen in animals such as sadism, revenge, and jealousy.

I say we strive to recover the lost love. As long as we are still alive, we can try to go back to the original purpose for which we exist. We can stop asking, “Where did the love go!” and instead nurture the little that still remains before it all runs out. I, the Layman, have purposed to give and take love in my own small way. How about you?

Anatomy of a Kenyan Politician

It is that time in the political calendar when ‘seasoned’ politicians, upcoming politicians, and all sorts of political ‘wannabes’ come out of hiding. They all have well lined pockets and mouths oozing sweet promises. The unsure ones are timid and careful with their words. Those who think they have the electorate in their ‘pockets’ are careless with their mouths. They go about insulting all and sundry with abandon. They feel invincible and sadly, many of them will make it back to whichever office they want to occupy. I guess there is something about confident politicians that endears them to voters irrespective of how they treat them.

I have observed several traits of politicians in Kenya. Each of them seems to possess at least two or more of them. Please remember that this is not based on a scientific study. It is based on the usual observations and ramblings of a Layman.

(Un)Healthy Appetite

Politicians have two-fold appetites. They can eat unusual amounts of food. They can also amass unreasonably high wealth from unscrupulous sources and deals. These appetites keep politicians awake when the rest of us are lost in slumber land.

Mpango wa Kando (Clandestine Liaisons)

It is not news when we hear of this or that politician being exposed for having more than one wife or several girlfriends. Apparently, this trait is not restricted to male politicians. A funny story is told of a popular female politician whose husband would plead with the wife’s lover (who was also a politician) to let her come home even if it was just for a weekend.

Private Developer

It is said that one of the reasons the Member of County Assembly (MCA)’s position is so attractive is because of the ‘opportunities’ it provides. These are the people who will degazzette all sorts of public land and allocate it to themselves. The newly acquired land will then be developed with premier apartments and gated communities. They will also provide space for malls and all-star hotels. These developments will further require surrounding land (whoever it belongs to) so as to provide space for parking lots required for such developments.

Hope in Miracles

When an ‘ordinary’ person decides to venture into politics, he is the only one who thinks he has any chance of making it. Relatives and friends will either have to support his unreasonable foray into leadership or run the risk of getting disowned. Threats of getting ignored by him once he gets into power helps to keep his detractors in check.

Lecherous Side-Kicks

One of the most obvious indicators of a politician is the presence of myriad hangers-on wherever he goes. You can tell which house or compound he is in just by observing the idlers buzzing around the area like flies. These side-kicks are multi-talented. They serve as ego-boosters, security agents, public relations officers, and political advisers. They in turn benefit from the occasional free meal and lessons in how to become future politicians.

Tribal Kingpin

A politician is the automatic defacto leader and defender of his community. All he does is on behalf and for the benefit of his roots. Any attack on him is never personal. It will be construed to be an attack on his tribe all the way from their ancestors to the present and future generations.

Eye on Others’ Failure

Any Kenyan politician worth his salt must be able to observe, study, and articulate his fellow politicians’ failures. He is interested in showing what he has done in the same way he wants to prove how inadequate and unqualified his competitors are. When he has nothing to show for all his opportunities, he can dedicate 100% of his time bashing others.

Attention Seeker

It is said that in politics, there is nothing like bad publicity. Any form of attention accorded a politician is welcome. It is for this reason that any politician who has had a loose tongue is rather popular.  Appearing in the news is so important that some have been known to pay journalists to ensure it happens. In this era of social media, politicians have spent good money to hire the best web designers to ensure that their digital footprint is felt loud and clear. After all, a politician craves your attention and lives for it.