Mourning the Demise of Plastic Bags

In the village where I grew up, every home had a basket. It may have been made of sisal or nylon thread. It might also have been made from reed straw but there was no family without one. The basket, coupled with an account with one of the three shopkeepers in the entire village ensured that everyone in the village could do their monthly, weekly, or arbitrary (never impulse) shopping.

Sugar and rice used to be packed into khaki paper bags. Even the tape to seal the bags was made from paper coated on one side with a sugar solution which the shopkeeper would lick before sticking it on. It used to be a really neat affair and it appeared as if all shopkeepers had been well trained in packing stuff.

That covers our history lesson for 90s kids and millennials. Then came plastic bags marking the extinction of all traditional woven baskets. Every Mama Mboga (Green Grocer) in villages and estates across the country could be seen with packets of the light-weight clear bags which would make her lick her fingers before rubbing on the flimsy material to open it up to pack tomatoes and sukuma wiki (kales).

Travelling Light

Many people, particularly men, do not carry bags any more. They can buy whatever they need and get it packed into our ubiquitous plastic bags. People’s busy schedules do not have to include rushing to the house to pick a kiondo (woven basket) whenever they need to buy and carry something. People have gotten used to travelling light. That era however, is coming to an abrupt end in the next few days.

Versatility Galore

A plastic bag can be used as a carrier bag, food dish, eating glove, and garbage bag. It is hard to imagine how life was before the plastic bags came to be widely used. It is even harder to imagine how life will be without them seeing as it is that they occupy every space of our living memories. So many products will have to be introduced into our market so as to compensate for every function of our beloved plastic bags.

Peculiar Kenyan Habits

There are people who sell boiled eggs and smokies from wheeled dispensers. They use plastic bags as serviettes to serve their addicted customers. At the end of their working day, they wheel their trolleys away with all their stock and leftovers. If you come to the site later, you can still tell the exact spot where they had been conducting their business. This is because; their faithful customers would have dropped every single piece of plastic film on which they had been served their favourite delicacy. The entire area would be littered with the now dirty plastics.

If you visit Automated Teller Machines (ATMs), you will notice a small square litter bin placed on the floor right next to the machine. You are supposed to throw your receipt into the bin if you don’t want to take it home with you. The amazing thing is that most of these receipts end up on the floor all around the largely empty bin because people don’t bother to ensure that they land in the bin. The even more amazing thing is that when the machine asks someone whether he wants a receipt for the transaction, he clicks yes and yet he only glances at it for only a second before crumpling it and carelessly throwing it on the floor. Why didn’t he just tell the machine that he doesn’t need a printed receipt because he can read his balance on the screen?

Why, you might ask, is the Layman going into a long discourse of smoky eaters and ATM users? Well, it is just to show you how after the plastic bag ban, we will merely change from littering with something that takes 50 years to decompose to another thing that possibly takes much less time. The littering however is bound to remain constant. The ban will not influence our peculiar habits in any way. If anything, some people might be encouraged to litter more because they will feel like they are doing the environment a favour.

‘Ngamia One’ a Still-Birth

We have just discovered huge oil reserves in the country which are yet to be tapped. One of the most useful by-products of crude oil is (you guessed it!) polythene, used to make the now illegal plastic bags. It is safe to say that that aspect of the project is still-born. Our hope to supply all our local plastic needs while exporting the rest might remain a pipe dream.

Accept and Move On

I am not looking forward to a life without my beloved Jualas (of which I, like many other Kenyans have a large stock of in my house). I however do not have a choice because nobody will ask me what I think before deciding. On that account, I will accept and move on into the uncertain future. What else is there to do for a humble Layman?

The Fallacy of Polls’ Victory (and Loss)

My Blessing from Another’s Loss

I once attended a job interview and passed. As I was settling into the new job, a colleague asked me if I knew how the vacancy had come about. I replied that I didn’t know. The colleague went ahead to explain to me how the immediate former holder of the position had come to lose the job. Apparently, the guy had just been confirmed after a successful probation period. He was understandably happy because the job was permanent and pensionable with an extremely attractive remuneration package. He had therefore invited his newfound friends and colleagues to celebrate with him on what appeared a long and promising future. He threw an extravagant party at a lovely little establishment near the office one Friday evening after work.

A few weeks after the party (which had been the talk of the office for days); he was driving the office vehicle running some errands. Another vehicle rammed into him slightly denting the car. The other driver didn’t bother to stop. My guy decided to give chase but in the process got involved in a major crash in which the car was written off. Fortunately, he was not hurt but that was the end of his job. The colleague who was giving me the story needed me to understand that passing an interview does not necessarily equate to keeping the job.

Elections are Merely Job Interviews

The just ended elections have seen a record number of unsuccessful interviewees go home with downcast faces. Voters (who are basically the members of the panel) are unhappy in the case where the candidates they favoured did not make it. As with any other job interview, an unsuccessful candidate is well advised to take stock of what he may have done wrong and find ways of improving his CV for future opportunities. Successful candidates on the other hand have to commit to do what they promised to do and utilize the skills that they had so attractively showcased during the interview. Interviewers (Voters) can get back to the normal work and leave the new employees to their work. After all, no person in an organisation is a full time interviewer. He has his main work to do.

Embarrassing Emotional Reactions

I have witnessed both purported winners and losers (but really just mere voters); doing the things they always warn their children against, in the name of celebrating their preferred candidate’s victory, or mourning his loss. When a grown man screams his voice hoarse (in full glare of television cameras), then it is possible to tell that our country is not as civilised as we would want the world to believe. It is also equally surprising to see friends insulting each other on social media with the most hurtful words possible just because they supported different politicians.

Not My Responsibility to Follow-Up Votes

I have the right and responsibility to vote which I carried out on 8^th August. However, my responsibility ended there. It is not up to me to ensure that my vote is counted or collated. No politician has the right to call upon me to go and demonstrate on any issue relating to elections. Once I tick against his name on the vote paper, that’s it. I am done. I am a voter, not an agent, analyst, auditor, or activist.

Disconnect Between Bad Politicians and Poor Policy

There seems to be a severe disconnection in the view of voters between poor policies (or implementation thereof) and the politicians they put in place to develop and implement the said policies. It is for this reason that a large number of people whose corruption cases went to court and some, who were fired from public service for the same, have now been elected to relatively powerful positions.

The Best President Kenya Never Had

I admire Raila Odinga. I like his fearlessness which has often left him with no friends apart from Kenyans who believe in him. I like the way he is willing and able to expose rot and underhanded dealings in the country. I like the way he can push for his opinion so hard that the powers that be are forced to give in, if only to get him off their backs. I like the way he mobilises people and makes them understand his point of view on any matter. For a long time, I have believed that he would have made a great president. I have just voted for him the second time and although am disappointed he didn’t make it I have taken it in stride. His place in the history of Kenya is secure. He and we, his supporters, have not lost anything as history is bound to judge us.

Political Lessons in Football

I am not an avid fan of football. However, for the sake of peace with friends, I purport to support Arsenal. This gives me the opportunity to have a downcast face whenever Arsenal loses (which is often). I am then able to steer clear of advanced football discussions on which I have not the faintest understanding. My less than enthusiastic interest in football notwithstanding, I still find it to be an exciting game. By observing friends who are die-hard football fans, and reading a bit about the Premier League, I have noted several ways in which our politics could benefit with lessons drawn from football.

Loyalty

I have never seen or heard of an Arsenal supporter shift to Manchester United and vice-versa. This is despite how many games one’s team loses or how much humiliation is administered by haters. Kenyan politics on the other hand, is a different ball game (pun fully intended). The recent nomination process has resulted in an ‘Independent’ movement which is, for all means and purposes, a fully fledged political party. We can greatly improve our politics by maintaining loyalty to our parties in whatever circumstances.

Painstakingly Slow, but Sure, Growth

Arsenal (the club I purport to support), was founded in 1886 by a group of workers making armaments (weapons) in Woolwich. It later turned professional but retained the name Arsenal (which means a collection of weapons). Manchester United (our main rival), was formed in 1878. Most of the clubs in the Premier League are more than a hundred years old. They have developed slowly over the decades to be among the top in the world today. Their clinical and superb moves on the pitch have taken several generations to perfect. If only our political parties lasted long enough to say “KANU” before they are disbanded and merged with other opportunists, we would be far ahead.

Economic Sense

Barclays Bank has been paying about £40 Million per year to sponsor the league. It might be paying less now but the difference (and more) is covered by other sponsors such as Nike. Clubs have been spending an average of about £10 Million per player transfer and collectively using well over £1 Billion in a single season. These football clubs and their sponsors are not just breaking-even; they are minting ridiculously high amounts of money for their shareholders. Unlike our political parties, they don’t have to hold Ksh. 1 Million a plate dinners to raise funds (as we are bound to start seeing soon).

Transparency

The collection of political party nominations ‘sore losers’, wearing white, was quite a sight to behold. They must have surprised their former party leaders who only got to see them on TV asking to be heard because ostensibly, they command some serious votes. Their transfer to the ‘Independent Party of Kenya’ was done secretly. I wish they would have done it the football way and did their transfer to the new ‘party’ transparently. Someone might even have been inspired to donate a few coins to pay for them and their ‘followers’, just like in football.

Foreigners

I listened to a news item some weeks back on the closure of Jubilee nominations in Kiambu. A Luo guy (considered a foreigner in the area) had clinched the nomination for Member of County Assembly in a predominantly Kikuyu area. This was in the news because it is as rare as Halley’s Comet. In the Premier League, almost half of players and managers are foreign. Some of the teams have even been known to field entirely foreign players in certain games. ‘Our’ manager, Arséne Wenger, is actually French while Chelsea’s José Mourinho is Portuguese. No English manager led team has ever won the Premier League. All wins have been by foreigners. Unlike in Kenyan politics, the world of football does not care where you come from as long as you deliver.

Practice Session

Probably the only real practice session for Presidential Candidates this year will be the 18 candidate debate. Any other practice will have to be done on the job. I have also come to realise that we treat football like politics and that is why our teams and leagues are forever struggling. I hope and pray that we change for the better.

Behind the Facade of Image

I love watching movies. I especially like the ones set in a different era. This is because they allow me to picture how life was during a time many decades, or even centuries, before I was born. Being a writer, I am also fascinated by the story lines. I am amazed particularly by fiction writers who pen the scripts on which movies are based. However, I am not lost to the fact that these stories are just that, stories. Although some are quite realistic, many are far-fetched and I only watch them for the entertainment they provide.

Besides writers, I admire the actors who bring these stories to life. Talented actors make these stories appear extremely believable. I appreciate the many other people who are involved in the making of a single movie. The accolades that appear after most Hollywood movies require the playback of three of four songs just to scroll through. I am happy in the knowledge that one movie employs dozens of people, often for months on end.

 

The one thing in movies I don’t like is the fact that it’s all made up. Some of the streets from an 1880s western don’t even exist. What I could be seeing on screen are just painted cardboard facades propped up with poles from behind. Thanks to modern cinematography techniques, the actions and scenes appear real. Unfortunately, facades are no longer restricted to movie sets. People are nowadays living fake lives with many problems hidden under various props.

Collapsing Companies

In recent years, Kenyans have witnessed the collapse of big companies which had hitherto appeared to be doing well. Companies such as Uchumi supermarkets, Kenya Airways, and more recently, Nakumatt supermarkets, have undergone dire straits in periods immediately following ambitious growth and expansions. It is then obvious that these, and many other companies, are more concerned with image than actual financial well-being. It is doubly sad that most of the collapsing organisations are state and public owned making their poor performance widely felt.

Non-Performing Government

Still on public bodies, the government itself does not seem to be doing too well. The highly publicised and expensive projects conceal a not so glorious background. The government in unveiling grand projects such as the Standard Gauge Railway, does not reveal the level of indebtedness they have sunk us to. Neither does it reveal the decades’ long commitments that involve billions in debt recovery and interest that these projects entail. These payments will be made whether or not the project is profitable. In the name of image, we now have a brand new, debt funded, railway in addition to an old one which could not be run efficiently even though it had already been fully paid for.

Opportunist-Encumbered Opposition

The opposition, just like the government, is also sorely bothered by image. From where I sit, only one person in the opposition appears to have a vision for the country. The rest are merely riding the wave in the hope of crumbs of power falling into their blubber-endowed laps. These newly ordained angels have no qualms about pointing the ills ailing our country even though they were all sitting pretty in a dictatorial government until one Joshua came and plucked them out. They are convinced that if their personal image improves, then somehow that of the entire country will follow suit.

Social Media Relationships

It is possible in this day and age, to meet, date, marry, have children, grow old together, die, and get buried on Facebook. It is for this reason therefore that updating one’s social media status is as important as life itself. What a person is going through in real life is not as important as the image he or she portrays on Instagram. It’s all about image. A social media footprint is so critical even for companies and organisations that there is a new industry of people specialising in it.

Award Winning Parenting

Relationships between parents and children are no longer important. What is crucial is how external observers perceive them to be. Students becoming number one is more important than pursuing their passions in life. They can use any method to come out on top, including paying to see the questions upfront. The parents on their part are standing fully behind their ‘ambitious’ children to ensure that this objective is met. They are therefore ready, cheque books in hand, all set to bankroll the entire operation. After all, Image is everything.

Fashion Sense (or Lack Thereof)

When it comes to dressing, nothing is out of bounds, including nothing, as a form of fashion. Form-fitting curve-accentuating outfits are all the rage. It is all about appreciating your ‘strongholds’ by revealing them because after all, why did God give them to you. Fashion designers are not there just to fulfil a basic human need for clothing. They are required for a new kind of basic human need; the need for an image that stands out in the midst of ‘mediocrity’. I wonder what hides behind the facade of image.