Of Useless Titles and an Idle Parliament

When I was in high school, we had the best head master ever. He spoke the impeccable ‘Queen’s English’ and we always looked forward to parade just to hear him talk. On almost every occasion, he would use a new vocabulary which would prompt us to rush and get our dictionaries out immediately after parade before the word ‘evaporated’. Inasmuch as he was big on words, he was not so keen on ego. He was a confident man and we could tell he feared nobody.

One time we wanted to strike for a reason I can now not recall. He convened an assembly of those of us who were not too keen on the strike but were afraid of being labelled traitors. We converged in the hall while others were outside throwing stones. He appeared totally unmoved as he said something we have continued quoting to this day. He said, “If you want to burn the school, burn it. I will not stop you. It will be your parents’ loss when they pay for the damages. Meanwhile, whatever you are asking for will not be granted. This is the last time am addressing you. Next it will be the police so you have a choice to continue with the strike or go back to class.”

After that ultimatum, nobody was too keen to continue with the strike, so we went back to class and that was the last attempt at a strike for my school mates and me for the rest of our school life. Our head master had a very strong presence and was full of charisma. He preferred that we refer to him by the title of ‘Sir’. He once said, “You should address me as ‘Sir’. However, whether you accept to call me sir or not, I will still remain a ‘Sir’.”

Last week, I followed the story about a discussion that took place in parliament. It was to do with terms of address and protocol for the myriad seat holders that our generous new constitution has bestowed upon us. The honourable members of parliament were of the opinion that they are the only ones worthy of the honourable title. They were angered by the “insignificant” Members of County Assemblies using their (apparently) ‘God Ordained’ title of “Honourable Members”. They were also equally (if not more) angered by Governors using the title of ‘His Excellency’, which they claim is a preserve of only the President, his Deputy, and former holders of the positions.

The ‘Honourable’ members went as far as prescribing just punishment for those who flout this ‘infringement’ on their turf. A Governor who considers himself ‘Excellent’ now stands to be Ksh. 2 Million poorer, or be a ‘guest of the state’ for 12 months, thanks to the new proposed amendment to the ‘Order of Precedence’ Bill. According the ‘honourable’ members, only they can be called ‘honourable’ without getting into trouble.

I took the trouble of consulting my dictionary in order to get the true meaning of the word. I learnt that the word has two meanings. One is, “Worthy of being honoured; entitled to honour and respect”, while the other one is, “Adhering to Moral and Ethical principles”. I will leave it to you to see if our members of parliament conform to the true meaning of the word. I also hope that my title of a layman is not under any threat. If it was taken away, I don’t know what I would become.

When a new Government structure was formed under the new constitution, I got the impression that the Senate was one parliament too many. I could not understand what its real importance was. After the recent tirades by the national assembly however, I think we would rather have the senate and do away with the national assembly. They seem very idle and this recent discussion proves that they are trying very hard to find something useful to do with their time without much success.

In other news and as the MPs were busy discussing titles, the courts declared CDF unconstitutional, claiming it undermines devolution. As a layman I am wondering, who between the MPs and Governors is going to have the last laugh.

P.S. As I was writing this article, I kept typing ‘humourable’ instead of ‘honourable’. I wonder what the spirit was trying to say.

Wallowing in Darkness

It has now been confirmed by none other than Francis Wangusi, the General Secretary of The Communication Authority of Kenya that I am one among the 90% of lazy Kenyans. This is because I have not taken advantage of the many set top boxes that have been on the market for some time now to shift me to the digital TV platform. I have also not subscribed to any of the pay TV channels for my two TVs (Yes! I have 2, one in my bedroom). My fellow “lazy Kenyans” and I have just been unceremoniously thrust into darkness. I read some comments where somebody said we need not be in the dark since we still have radio. I am however sorry to report that radio news do not work for me. I am from a very visual generation and have to see in addition to being told what is happening.

Inasmuch as it is inconveniencing to have no TV to watch in my house, I have seen some advantages of being in the dark. The main one has to do with Mexican soap operas of which there are unlimited versions in all the local stations. These soaps made me stop watching prime time TV. All the members of my family virtually turn into zombies when any of their favourite soaps is on air. I cannot hold a conversation or even comment on something because nobody will hear me. Don’t get me wrong, I think the story lines and even the acting is good on these shows. I however prefer some suspense on whatever movie or series I watch. I don’t want to watch something that runs for a whole year and I can tell from day one how it’s going to end.

For many Lazy Kenyans’ families, the shutdown is a good opportunity to have quality time together. I remember village life before TV and even before electricity. We would sit around the jiko (stove) as my mother prepared supper and tell stories. We would also make shadow images on the walls against the flickering light of the kerosene lamp.

Personally, the only thing am interested in on TV is news. News however, is almost always negative. It is often said that there is no news like bad news. Inevitably then, news is always depressing, or scary, or both. Without news, I can now be perpetually happy with enough positive energy to pass round to my family and friends.

Photo courtesy  http://myinforpedia.blogspot.com

It has been observed that Kenyans are poor readers. I can attest to this even in my own family. I guess most people would opt to watch TV instead of reading a book. I was happy to hear my wife and one of my daughters talking about getting out their long abandoned books to read during the time afforded by the ‘digital’ shutdown. I think a book is about as ‘analogue’ as one can get.

We have come to think of social media as alternative media. I have observed this not to be purely the case. Most of the stories doing rounds on social media are gleaned from mainstream media. I expect that a lot more “lazy Kenyans” will have less to tweet or Facebook about since their only source of information has gone blank.

I have tried to understand the issue of the digital migration and all the licensing processes required. I have heard about the issuance of frequencies and the forfeiture of others. I have also detected some bit of the Kenyan habit of trying to stretch deadlines. But try as I might, I do not understand what the fight is all about. All I understand as a layman is that someone is currently sitting on my right to information. I don’t know whether it is the government or the concerned media houses, but am prepared to wait since as you have seen above, am having the time of my life without TV.

P.S. The Kenya Film Classification Board has banned the movie, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ claiming it has too many and prolonged explicit sex scenes. This bunch of old timers is the only group of people legally allowed to watch X-rated movies. I would give anything to look at their faces as they watch those movies.

Diasporic Curse?

I, like many other Kenyans, would like to live in a country where systems work. I would like to have unlimited opportunities to utilise all my skills and talents, and make a lot of money in the process. I would like that utopian country to be Kenya. This however, may not become the case in the foreseeable future. The only other option left to us to achieve these high dreams is to move to those countries where systems work and opportunities are many.

I have many friends and relatives living and working in other countries.  They are mostly in the US, the UK, but also in the Arab countries such as Saudi Arabia and Dubai. There are others in myriad other countries.

Remittances from Kenyans living in the Diaspora are now well over a hundred million dollars per year. This shows that all those laymen out there in the land of opportunity are achieving something good. Many have also been able to advance their education and I believe the experiences they get there make them into better Kenyans.

Being a layman, I don’t know whether I am overreacting, or I if I have any cause to be concerned. I have however noted that of late, there have been several reports in the media of cases which show that life in the Diaspora may not be as rosy as we have always been led to believe. Two recent reports of homeless Kenyans dying in the US shocked me. One was an IT graduate who had even worked for big companies in the US. It was reported that he developed a respiratory infection due to exposure to the cold weather. The other one succumbed to the flames in a burning building where he had apparently been getting shelter since he did not have a home.

I know many Kenyans in the US who are doing well, but the above cases might point to a hidden problem somewhere. The number of these cases may only comprise a very small percentage of the entire Diasporic Kenyans, but these are only public due to their extreme eventualities. I have been wondering, how many Kenyans are homeless and destitute abroad? How many did not have their expectations of success and prosperity met? How many are living hand to mouth in conditions that would embarrass their relatives back home? How many refuse to come back home due to shame? Many questions without answers but anyhow, a layman is allowed to wonder.

There have been many reports in the media of house helps being mistreated in Arab countries, some to the extent of getting killed. This is after being promised well paying jobs which can get them and their families out of poverty. The rosy picture created by agents as they recruit workers for these jobs is almost always a mirage. Many of them end up regretting but by then it is too late. Confiscated travel documents could mean that one cannot even travel back home.

I have been hearing of incidences where the workers are virtually turned into slaves. They are denied such basics as food and medical care. Others are used for ‘purposes’ other than those they were promised they would be doing. The list goes on and on.

This is one topic in which I can truly be a layman. I am an aspiring ‘Diasporian’, but I have never been one. I can only say what I have heard about these things. The rosy picture on the one hand and the gory one on the other can only be clarified by those who are actually in the Diaspora. For the rest of us laymen back here at home, we can only hope and pray that we will also get the opportunity to share in the milk and honey, in the land where there are no shoe shiners (because there is no dust or mud – or so we hear). We are ready to wait (what else is there to do?).

Knowledge vs. Education

I watched with sadness the recent expose of Nairobi Aviation College. Seeing the extent to which Kenyans can go in the name of getting “qualifications” was disturbing. It was however not surprising. I believe the practice of buying certificates and good grades is not limited to Nairobi Aviation College, neither is it only to be found in private colleges. I have even heard of an ordained pastor whose theology diploma was acquired through dubious means from a "reputable" bible school. There are many laymen out there with some not so well kept little secrets of “unqualified” qualifications.

In recent years, I was attending business management classes at the Kenya Institute of Management. I took Saturday classes since my work schedule then could not allow me to attend a regular weekday class. Inevitably, most of my classmates were mature learners like me. There was this one particular lady who was apparently quite well off since she and her husband were running a successful business. She was there to acquire knowledge to help her run her business better and so was I. I was under no pressure to get any particular grade or even pass any exam. I assumed this was the case with all of us who were there to improve our business skills but I was wrong. I once found the lady trying to smuggle material into the exam room during a CAT. She got embarrassed when I asked her if she would have the moral authority to reprimand her daughter if she were caught cheating in school.

One of the young men from the area where I live is currently attending the same management school I went to. He is in the final stage and needs to write his research project. I heard him asking for money from his guardian to pay someone to write his proposal for him. I could not believe it since he is a full time student with no other commitments. Besides, he is studying project management and expects to be employed as a project manager someday soon. How will he be preparing his proposals? On being asked why he wants to pay someone to do his work for him, he replied that this is what everybody is doing. I wonder how he and his classmates will perform at their jobs when they get hired one day.

I was watching news the other day and some apparently accident prone PSV (passenger service vehicle) drivers had been arrested. It was ordered that they be retested on their driving skills. Wonder of wonders! None of them could pass the driving test. And these were people who had driven professionally for more than 10 years! Looking at their faces contorted in concentration as they figured how to legally move the toy cars across the table, I could tell none of them had ever stepped into a driving school in their life.

I recently came across an application letter of a primary school teacher who had just passed her interview. It was interesting to note that she had indicated that she would work real hard to advance her “carrier” (I guess she wanted to say “career”). These are the people who have to impart knowledge on our children and so we have to expect standards to be forever dropping relative to the rest of the world.

I am always hearing the phrase “half-baked graduates”. I think we should introduce a new one of “uncooked graduates” or “salad graduates” (completely raw). The excuse given by people for finding shortcuts to getting educational qualifications is that jobs are few and competition is stiff. The unfortunate thing is that, these unscrupulous techniques of increasing some people’s chances at getting considered for jobs do not increase the number of opportunities. Instead, they keep the genuinely qualified people out of the job market. The fake graduates get the jobs using the same methods they used to get papers and then – they can’t even do the work! I can believe the guy who was being interviewed on the street and said that the genuine graduates are out here tarmacking. But then, you know me. I am no educationist and can’t really tell exactly what our problem is – I am just but a layman!

P.S. The best way to be uneducated and still sound knowledgeable is to blog.