A Thin Line

We live in a time when everything we do is a choice between two or more options. Choosing the right thing is becoming more and more difficult owing to the closeness in the way open options appear. Choice is also the main tenet on which democracy is based. This often leads us to moan our choices of leaders or parties after the deed is done. We usually realise that different people are ideally saying the same thing and only the choice of their words differ. I have seen several instances where the line between options is so thin it is almost indiscernible.

Love and Lust

The dating and marriage field is littered with frustrated people who thought they were in love, only to realise it was lust. Perhaps the main reason this is confusing is because the words used by people in lust and in love are remarkably the same. The same gestures and body language are also engaged by people who are pursuing either love or lust. It is then true that there is a thin line between love and lust.

Respect and Fear

For those of us who have to work under a boss, it would be ideal to have an environment of mutual respect with the boss. This is however not always the case. When a new boss-subordinate relationship is being established, most bosses tend to instil fear instead of respect in their charges. While respect and fear appear to have the same immediate effects (obedience and allegiance), fear is counterproductive in the long run.

Humility and Timidity

We are encouraged to be humble in our dealings with other people. It is humility that endears us to others and makes them receptive to our needs. Humility therefore calls for us to keep a low profile and avoid praising ourselves. It also requires us to be tolerant of any discomfort that may arise from oppression by those whose favours we want. Humility taken too far however, becomes timidity. It allows for the unfair treatment by other people who do it just because they can get away with it. We should take care not to let our humility transform into timidity.

Assertiveness and Aggressiveness

It is good to speak out your mind. It is also good to whistle-blow when someone is doing something wrong. Assertiveness is what allows our voices to be heard in an unfriendly world. People who are not assertive are often overtaken by opportunities even when they are the most deserving. Assertiveness taken overboard becomes aggressiveness which hurts or otherwise negatively affects other people. Aggressiveness is assertiveness with the compassion component taken out.

Confidence and Arrogance

A confident person is good to be around. He knows what he wants and how to get it. His confidence is contagious and people want to be around him He is able to make go-getters of other people. When confidence goes unchecked, it can turn into arrogance. An arrogant person tends to think of only himself at the cost of other people’s interests. An arrogant person is also insecure and wants to validate his importance by bossing others.

Wisdom and Slyness

A wise person is able to use knowledge gained over a long time by himself and others to do good and fair things. When knowledge is used for evil or unfair gain, it becomes slyness. It is the stuff conmen are made of. We should strive to ensure that what we know is used for the good of mankind.

Ambition and Greed

It is through ambition that every worthy thing has been achieved in the history of mankind. Ambition makes us overcome challenges and shortcomings to get what we desire. It also keeps us busy and away from trouble. If we go beyond ambition, we become greedy. We want to acquire even that which we will not need in our lifetimes. We strive to amass as much as possible as if to ensure that nobody else can get it. Our world-famous corruption is built on a platform of ambition that turned into greed.

Jokes and Insults

I have a friend who, whenever I cracked a bad joke, would say, “Hiyo si mbali na matusi” (meaning, “That is not far from an insult”). In an environment where more carelessness is being incorporated into humour, it is possible to insult a person thinking they will take it as just a joke. Most jokes entail someone being put down so that the majority who are present can get a good laugh. The best joke is probably the one in which the joker ridicules himself. That way, no harm will be done.

Introversion and Rudeness

I am an introvert and I have often been accused of being rude. There is a misconception that introverts don’t care about other people. This is not the case. Introverts are just good people who are comfortable being by themselves in much the same way as they are comfortable being with others. It will be difficult in this forum to prove that I am not rude. You can have your take. I am just an introverted Layman.

Aphrodisiac Groundnuts and Other Old Wives’ Tales

In Search of the Perfect Aphrodisiac

A lot of people, especially young men, are nowadays obsessed with image. This obsession extends to libido where many of them can do anything to acquire a super human status. In come the opportunists. Everybody from witch doctors to multinational pharmaceutical companies claim to have the perfect solution to performance issues. The classified pages in the newspapers are filled with claims that range from the subtle to the out rightly ridiculous. Promises of lasting power and increase in size of items found in the nether regions are rife in these advertisements. Witch doctors’ signs nailed to electric poles in every estate cannot miss one item on their list of problems that they claim to be able to solve – “Nguvu za Kiume” (Libido).

The above solutions, although attractive to many “patients”, are not an option. This is because they don’t

come cheap. Secondly, they all involve a level of disclosure and indiscretion that most people are not comfortable with. The majority of people with a problem or those who just want to “up” their game, are left with what turns out to be one of the most widely believed solutions to libido problems – Ground Nuts!

I have never heard of any scientific study that was conducted to conclude that Ground Nuts (Peanuts) have aphrodisiac properties. That has however not stopped that innocent and highly nutritious nut from attaining a sacred status. When people see you eating ground nuts, they conclude that you are up to some mischievous activities later in the day (or night). I even heard that in Mombasa, some would start talking in the colourful Swahili parables they are known for, implying they know what you are up to. Don’t let me spoil your believes. I am just a Layman and am open to evidence that ground nuts are an aphrodisiac.

Mango Transmitted Malaria

I had a friend who advised me to avoid mangoes when there is a malaria outbreak. He claimed that eating mangoes during such a time was akin to attempting suicide because the strain of malaria you would get was the kind that has been known to dispatch people to their maker. Again on this one, I need proof otherwise it will remain to me an old wives’ tale.

Albino Body Parts Good Luck Charms

A few years ago, we were shocked to hear that albinos in Tanzania were in grave danger because witch doctors were paying a fortune for the body parts. They claimed that in the spiritual world, these parts were powerful. I think that is all hogwash.

Virgin Sex HIV Cure

The HIV/AIDS problem would be bad enough without some people resorting to barbaric methods of trying to deal with it. I don’t know which nit wit came up with the idea that if a HIV positive man had sex with a virgin, he would be cured. I hate to think of the innocent women and girls who have been raped by goons who end up infecting them with the deadly virus.

Surgical Procedures that Increase Intelligence in Men and Control Promiscuity in Women

Circumcision in men is an important rite of passage in many communities and also proven to have health benefits. It is however overrated by those who imply that it improves reasoning and behaviour. It has no bearing on IQ.

Female circumcision, or FGM as it is now commonly referred to, is such a deeply entrenched cultural practice. It is virtually impossible to hold an objective discussion about it with most people. Even those who talk against it will take their own daughters for the operation in secret. They believe it makes women less promiscuous.

‘Chama’ can make you Rich

The chama (merry go round) concept must have been invented in Kenya. I have never heard of it anywhere else. It entails a group of people coming together and deciding how much money to be contributing periodically (daily, weekly, fortnightly, or monthly). Each member contributes an equal amount and the money is given to one member following a numbered order, usually decided by casting lots.

Most people join chamas in order to uplift their financial status. I however hate to be the one to break it to them. A chama will not make you richer than you already are. What you receive is the same money you have been giving. Woe to you if some members quit before it’s your turn to receive the money. The usual thing people have gained from membership to chama is a new category of enemies (converted from former friends).

Roasted Onion is Delicious

When I eat, I want to be able to discern the tastes of the various ingredients. It is common practice when one is frying food to start with oil and onion. When the onion is cooked, tomatoes, spices, and the actual food is added; not necessarily in that order. I have eaten food made by people and it contains pieces of charcoal – remnants of what were once onions. I don’t like its taste and I think that if you have to burn your onions to black crisp, you would rather just skip it. But then this is just me and I am only a Layman!

There’s an App for that

Our generation has found itself smack in the centre of a technological revolution. Gadgets have become smaller and infinitely more powerful. These days, when you think you have seen it all, something comes up that tells you, this is just the beginning.

Perhaps the single most significant aspect of technological advancement is mobility. It is no longer just a question of what a gadget can do. It is about being able to go everywhere with it – such as, to the toilet (I, for instance, only access Instagram in the toilet – Don’t ask!).

Programmable Mobile Phones

My brother, who is a computer programmer, tells me that the real revolution in mobile telephony occurred when the manufacturers started using the java language. While phones previously ran on software pre-installed into the hardware, java based phones could be manufactured empty and then fed with whatever a particular user wants. This, I think, is what ushered in the era of what we now fondly refer to as Apps (I guess its short for Applications).

Useful Apps

A lot of apps available today are quite useful. One of the first apps that I ever downloaded when I first got a smart phone was the flashlight app. I needed something to get over having to give up my old phone. I used to have a mulika mwizi, so called because it has a built-in flashlight. I was therefore pleasantly surprised to know that I could actually transform my smart phone into an advanced sort of mulika mwizi.

When I was growing up, there used to be civil servants then known as agricultural extension officers. They would walk around agricultural areas advising farmers on various aspects of farming such as the right seed to plant and the ideal time to carry out various farming activities. I no longer see them and although am not a farmer, I can imagine how hard it is to farm without a good source of reliable advice. That period of uncertainty among farmers is now over. This is thanks to an app known as M-Farm. Through the app, farmers can now get all the information that used to be disseminated by extension officers and more.

I have talked about the evolution of social media before here http://thelaymanspoint.blogspot.co.za/2015/03/the-evolution-of-social-media.html . It is obvious that the old days were not so good as far as communication between people was concerned. It is now easier than ever to keep in touch with friends, relatives, and associates. This is made possible by efficient and user friendly social media apps. We are so dependent on Facebook, twitter, LinkedIn, WhatsApp, and many others, that it is impossible to imagine how we survived without them.

Now that am back to my driving job in a city that is ever expanding and growing more complicated, I need my maps more than ever. I however cannot depend on traditional maps as I did before as I once wrote about it here http://acabdriverstory.blogspot.co.za/2012/11/finding-way-of-not-getting-lost.html . This is because roads are changing every day and maps cannot be updated fast enough. The google maps app is so handy it even gives route suggestions and how long it will take to get to your destination.

Useless Apps

The good also comes with the bad and consequently, there are those Apps that appear to be quite useless to the typical Layman. I have seen Apps whose only possible advantage is that they keep the users out of trouble by engaging them for hours doing absolutely nothing.

Candy Crush

I have warned my friends on Facebook to desist from sending me invites to play candy crush. However, my stern warnings and even threats of unfriending them, has fallen on deaf years. The candy crush craze cuts across all statuses and classes. Even people who I respect profoundly have taken up candy crush as a way to kill valuable time. This is one App I would advocate to be banned by the Government.

Who’s your Best Friend?

There is an App that can apparently tell you who your best friend is. I have no idea who came up with the idea or even how the algorithm works. I don’t think the app works but that has not stopped thousands of idle people from using it. It also appears on the Layman’s list of Apps to be banned.

Where have you Pooped?

Yes, you heard that right! There is an App that allows users (mainly frequent travellers) to record all of the exotic places they have pooped across the world. I don’t know what the objectives of either the developers or users are. I however think they receive a lot of feedback judging from the kind of reviews they get online. So, if you are one of those people who poop just to obey nature, just know there are others for whom it is serious business.

What other Apps?

Can you think of any other App (useful or otherwise) that you may have come across? You can also share.

 

Adjusting to Geographical Bachelorhood

Getting a new job is usually an exciting event in one’s life. The future looks bright with the prospects of new acquaintances, and professional growth showing up on the horizon. Aside from the blessings of a new job, there are certain challenges that come with having to work in a different town, away from family and friends; all alone!

Going Home to an Empty House

I have been used to my daily dose of warm hugs from my wife and children that I am virtually addicted to them. I now come home to an empty house where the only thing that meets me at the door is the musty smell generated by the closed door and miniature window. The smell is the least of my problems because it is easily sorted by leaving the door wide open for a few minutes. The major issue is cleaning and tidying things up.

Stooping to Do the Dishes

My small room does not have a sink. I have to do my dishes in small basins set down on the floor. I do all this while seated on a stool whose height tells me it was not meant for any floor-level activities. My back tells the same story when am done but at this time, I don’t have much of a choice unless I want to start rearing cockroaches. If I had been one of those traditionally chauvinistic dudes, I would have said I can’t stoop that low (pun intended), and opted to eat all my meals at my local joint (I promise to write about that soon). I however pride myself in being a very progressive Layman just the way I see on TV.

Laundry in Gloves

There is a marked difference between senior bachelors and geographical ones. Senior bachelors have been at their game for a long time and seem to have adjusted quite well to their solitary lifestyle. Geographical bachelors on the other hand, are victims of circumstances and are ill-equipped for their new-found situation. One thing that is not well evolved in geographical bachelors is their hands. They are all tender and not suitable for doing laundry. This is made more critical by the excessive amount of detergent they pour into the water – ostensibly to reduce the work of scrubbing the clothes.

It is this overdose of omo (detergent) that initially led me to get painful sores on my hands every time I washed my clothes. They say necessity is the mother of invention (or in my case discovery) because quite soon I discovered the wonders of laundry gloves. I can now put as much detergent as I want and my hands will still be safe after the ‘ordeal’ of laundry.
Sleeping on the Floor

In the first few weeks of my bachelorhood, I did not have a bed. It is not that I dislike beds. It’s just that I could not afford one just yet. I got myself a mattress and set it on the floor. I found out that sleeping on the floor is actually quite comfortable apart from two occasions – getting into and out of bed.

I remember in the first week of my experience, a neighbour was beating the wife in the middle of the night. I was deep asleep and didn’t hear the actual fight. I only heard her shrill scream that shook me from my slumber. The first thing that came to mind was that the building was collapsing (Don’t ask). I rushed out of bed – only that there was no bed. I hit my knee on the floor and in my pain, got tangled in my mosquito net. The following morning I was limping but on enquiry, no one else had heard the scream (people are deaf these days).

Furnishing-Up from Scratch

Furnishing a house (a room in my case) is no easy matter. I never realised furniture is so expensive until I started asking around. I have therefore had to contend with a lot of plastic furniture. I have a plastic chair, stool, side table, and even coffee table (I never knew they had those in plastic). I am proud of all my plastic furniture apart from the coffee table (can you believe it’s blue in colour?).

When I bought my mattress, I had to transport it on a boda boda (motor bike taxi). I set it across my knees as I sat behind the driver. It was a precarious situation because it was pushing me back as it was blown by the wind during motion. It was also bumping into pedestrians on the side of the road but I could tell they didn’t mind by their loud silence.

I later bought a bed but I could only afford to transport it on a mkokoteni (hand cart). I was amazed by the strength of the driver, who was very small by the way. I really pitied him but I realised this was probably among the lightest of the things he has to carry all day. He amazed me in the way he could stop and start surrounded by hooting cars and buses in heavy traffic. Anyhow, I got the bed to our plot and the hassle of carrying it on our narrow corridors to my room is something I don’t want to remember any time soon.

Cooking on a Meko (6 Kg gas cooker with integrated burner)

I have always found the meko to be a funny looking thing. Now I have to use one. I cook sitting on my plastic stool (mentioned above) but fortunately, I don’t have to stoop so low for this particular activity. I don’t mind cooking because it culminates in a pleasurable activity (eating!), but I wish I could use disposable utensils that don’t need washing. I am however appreciative of the fact that I have not had the need to use the charcoal jiko (stove) or kerosene stove that my wife made me to pack – just in case.

P.S. I have to pen-off now because I have to make supper. Talk to you later!

Getting All Tangled-up in Red Tape

Debilitating Bureaucracy
We were all surprised some days ago to read about top-of-the-range cars rusting away at the Judiciary compound. Some fellows are reported to be vandalising the vehicles for parts. By now, the cars could have lost most of their value and if they remain where they are, they may end up only being worth their weight in scrap metal. That is the price we have to pay for bureaucracy. Nobody can make a move on properly disposing of the vehicles without following a long and virtually obsolete process. So, why bother?

Stuck in the Past

My father worked as a civil servant for decades until his retirement. He had learnt the British way of keeping impeccable records of everything. Systems worked then and although they may appear primitive compared to today’s technological advances, they were more than adequate back in the day. It is actually quite surprising to learn that the government during those days kept ahead of the private sector in terms of technological advancement.

In the present day however, the government always seems to be playing catch-up with everybody else in terms of innovation. This is the reason why even disposing a used battery becomes a major issue requiring signatures from very high up. This leads to those concerned just letting things rust away because they don’t want to be accused of trying to pilfer them.

Fear of Simplicity

There appears to be a perception among modern Kenyans that if a process is too simple, then it is not authentic. Every simple process has been made into a maze of details which the operators insist have to be done one after the other in a pre-determined order. If there is any omission of one step whose significance cannot be explained, the whole process has to be repeated with even more steps; ostensibly to safeguard against irregularities (my foot!)

Reinventing the Innovation Wheel

If you attend the myriad workshops by government and other organisations, you will hear such jargon as ‘lessons learnt’ and ‘best practice’. What they mean in Layman’s terms is that when you are trying to do something that has been done before, you need to utilise any knowledge gleaned by those who did it before you. A few of these best practice advocates however use prior knowledge. They all want to get their own experience first-hand. They will therefore commission their own expensive feasibility studies and baseline surveys even though other people have done them countless times before. They have this unexplained need to reinvent the innovation wheel.

No Mentorship

People normally retire on the attainment of the maximum age for working in a particular organisation. Their positions are then taken up by younger people who have been prepared for those duties. The best proven way of having a smooth transition when a person leaves a job, due to retirement or other reasons, is a mentorship program. Workers, particularly those in senior positions, are encouraged to mentor possible replacements who will take over when they leave.

It has been observed that many people don’t like mentoring younger workers to take over when they leave. They reason that nobody helped them get where they are and so anybody wanting a promotion has to go through the same tedious process as they did. The lobbying and politics that the scrambling for a soon-to-be-vacant position generates becomes the recipe for a big tangled-up roll of red-tape.

Groundwork for Corruption

I have noted that most of the grand corruption schemes entail elaborate planning. The tracks are then hidden under heaps of red-tape. This is the reason why even after discovering that money has been stolen, it takes long (or never) to identify the perpetrators. A big spool of red-tape is usually a red-flag for corruption ongoing or in the offing. So I guess red-tape is either good or bad depending on which side you are on.