A Bloody Red Valentine

I was passing time in the lush and expansive gardens of the Mount Kenya Safari Club. It was a chilly evening and the top of the shy mountain was, as usual, hiding in a shroud of dense cloud. The visible part of the slopes had more snow than I had come to notice previously. The snow came all the way down and gradually changed into ice right up to the slab of rock on which I was standing. I was thinking to myself, “There is no such thing as global warming. This mountain has more snow and ice than it had when I looked at it from the pictures taken during colonial times.”

I was jolted back to my senses by a heavy explosion which shook the very ground on which I was standing. I staggered slightly but didn’t fall. Before I could recover my balance, another explosion took place. This time it was much closer since I could see the spray of sparks. I realised in shock that we were being bombed. I dove to the ground behind a small boulder as the third bomb hit the ground so close to me that some of the sparks caught my shirt. I woke up with a start only to realise it was a bad dream.

Tense Times

We are living with a lot of tension as a country. People are very edgy and judging from the triggers that set them off on social media, then it is safe to conclude that we on the verge of war. Politicians have been going round calling all and sundry to come out and register in large numbers so that they can either retain or win back leadership seats. Today is the last day of that exercise which will also mark the start of intensified political campaigns.

A Bloody Valentine

Valentine died for love. If anybody dies before, during, or after the forthcoming elections, it will not be for love. It will be for hatred. It will either be because somebody hates his tribe’s guts so much that he will do away with him as a statement, or that he will hate somebody else’s tribe so much that he will die fighting. All this will happen because those in power cannot imagine others taking over from them and those wanting the power cannot bear to imagine those in power remaining so for one day longer. If it was just a handful of politicians hurling insults at each other, it would be bearable. Unfortunately, this small group has mobilised entire tribes and conglomerates of tribes to stand behind them. This line-up is what marks our valentine’s day this year.

Happy Valentine’s Day

I am seated hear on my plastic chair at my plastic table fighting mosquitoes as my neighbours snore away. I am asking you. Would rather die for love or hate? As you either register to vote or abstain, are you doing either for love or hate? Does this Valentine’s Day signal for you a season of hope or a state of hopelessness? If you love your neighbour, is it because he has always stood by you or because he is from your clan? If you hate him, is it because he has been unkind to you or because your tribal kingpin says he is wrong for you. This valentine’s day, I am only wishing my sweetheart a good day. I can’t generalise because I don’t know what it means for other people.

Hi-Tech Fighting

If we fight again, it will not be with machetes. It will be hi-tech. We are going to have GPS guided Rocket Propelled Grenades like in my dream above. We then won’t need to spend cold nights planning attacks on our neighbours. We can execute everything from our smart Phones while seated at a private beach in a neighbouring country with our feet touching the water and sipping ice-cold margaritas from umbrella-clad glasses. There will also be no need for hand-to-hand combat using bloody knives. We shall use our 3-D printed guns made with some advanced composite material which can pass any metal detector in town.

Those who are too cowardly to stand the sight of blood will of course launch cruel cyber-attacks on helpless members of the opposite sex. They will stalk them online for days and hack all their social media accounts. This phase of war is already underway.

I am a Layman but one with a fertile imagination. I urge you to register as a voter and to vote. It is the only way you can help avert the scary scenario (a massive iceberg whose tip is outlined above). Have a somewhat happy valentine’s day.