Stuck in the Friend Zone

“Oh! He is just a friend”, says many a girl when asked about the nice young man she has been spending a lot of time with. This is in sharp irony with the common lamentation that there are no men to marry nowadays. These eligible bachelors are stuck in what has popularly become known as the ‘Friend Zone’. All this while, the marriageable girls are busy auctioning their dignity to the village bad boys.

Of Football Players on the Pitch and Bench; and the Cheering Squad

During a football game, there are three distinct groups of people present. The first group is of course the players. These are the ones who make people go there in the first place. Secondly there are reserve players. These are on the bench when the game starts. They may or may not play in a particular game. Whether they play or not depends on the coach. They therefore just wait anxiously in the hope that the coach will substitute one of the players on the pitch and call them in to play.

Thirdly, during a football match, there are spectators. These come to watch the game and each of them usually supports one the teams playing. Spectators are as diverse as they are many. Some may have been star footballers in their day and are there to feed their nostalgia. The majority however, are those who never played any football in their lives (unless kicking a ball made of old paper bags during break time in their primary school days could be considered football).

Bad Boy Syndrome

For some reason no one has been able to satisfactorily explain to me, and using the football analogy above, why many girls have parked their ideal mates on the bench. They have then proceeded to put serial womanisers in the field. They have ignored calls by spectators to call in the perfect players from the benches. When the match is inevitably lost, these same girls will cry their eyes out moaning how men are ungrateful brutes. They will talk about how they gave these losers every opportunity to redeem themselves and prove their worth at being in the girls’ lives. As painful as this scenario appears, it is not news anymore. Neither will it end there. You will find these bad boys playing again on some other unwitting girl’s pitch.

The Need for Excitement

The main reason given by women for being drawn to bad boys is excitement. They claim that Casanovas are fun to be with and make them laugh. These boys are said to ignore the small flaws in a girl and make her feel on top of the world. The boys are confident and are not embarrassed to do the small things that make girls go gaga such as hugging in public or walking hand-in-hand. An excitable and naive girl therefore becomes pliable clay in the hands of such a boy.

Fitting In Vs Pursuing Sensibility

It is an increasingly common script in this generation that fitting in is more important than being sensible. This mantra has led many girls to get into predatory relationships with unsuitable men just because it is more popular. They have let their heart-guard down and welcomed unlikely mates into their lives. All this while, the men who would have loved them unconditionally are wallowing on the sidelines.

No Good Men

I am saddened by the claim that there are no longer any good men. I think this is just an excuse women use to be with the wrong men. When a woman says that all men are dogs, she just wants to justify her low standards. I however feel that it is wrong to generalise either the badness or goodness of men (and also of women).

Just because you are attracted to the wrong man does not give you the right to conclude that all men are bad. “Where are all the good men then?” you might ask. Just look at the benches. They are seated there hoping you will come to your senses soon enough and call them in. They are saddened by the fact that you have already compromised your reputation but can still accommodate you as long as you turn around immediately.

Ladies, do you still believe there are no good men?